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A bolt from the blue

I sold my car one year ago, after which I was under suspicion of DEA and spent two weeks in a holding cell with the gypsies. The fact is that - someone, at night, put a sack of flour and a rubber hand for scratching the back in the trunk of my car. The buyer was an elderly dude who walked with a crutch, he apparently got scared of the Mexican trail and ran to inform the police. Two days after the sale, someone knocked on my door, I looked through the peephole and saw people in masks. I thought some drunks were trying to trick me, well, I'm not scared of you, so fuck off. After my words, I was thrown back like a log along with the door and group of several drunks broke into my apartment, as I understood it was special forces. These layoffs blew up my door with a not very strong explosive charge. The day before, I was messing around and smashing empty beer bottles in a city park, and also I turned over a toilet booth where  there was a man who choked on feces and died without regaining consciousness. I thought that the special forces came to me because of this incident. I said that I was not guilty and presented my documents - a piece of a sheet from the tabloid press with a picture of a crossword puzzle. To tell the truth, when I'm not sure about something, I show this piece of paper. I'm just not sure, my name is Karl, right? I was named Karl after my father, whose name is Immanuel. I heard how one special forces soldier is calling for reinforcements on the radio, then they twist my arms, and put handcuffs on me, and made me stay face to the wall. I was taken to the police station and thrown into a holding cell. I spent two weeks in a cell with gypsies who were suspected of stealing horses. They read my palm, asked for money for fortune-telling and asked for money for marijuana. Two weeks later I was released and the investigator said that there was some mistake and I was tied up by accident. The revelation was like a brick from the sky falling on my head. Jesus was a suspect but was released. Sorry for interrupting your date last night with all those texts. Some fagots want to constantly set me up and demonize my reputation and honest name. Five years ago I was on vacation in Sudan and there I sold black slaves to terrorists from the radical Islamic movement in Sudan. When I smelled something fishy, I put the money in my straw hat and flew to Europe on a Red Cross plane. Sorry to drag you into it... It's okay. Well, there was a slightly different story. I was vacationing in the capital of Tanzania and I had condoms stretched on my fingers so that God forbid I wouldn't get sexually transmitted diseases. I went to eat at a local branch of McDonald's, which was called Blockburger and at the same time decided to sell visitors a little bit of ecstasy pills. Inside, I saw a black man with a Mohawk on his head, he really looked like a punk, he looked like he hadn't been off the needle for the last ten years. When I approached him, he noticed me, he took the Bible out from under his t-shirt and said the following: So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. I thought he was gay and decided to leave the place. When I got out of Blackburger, a little boy ran up to me and asked for an autograph. I could not refuse and signed on his forehead with a blue felt-tip pen to make it easier to see. Excuse me if I have been a bit crass. As I told you earlier, I have my own list of motherfuckers who piss me off. I am very pissed off by green men, they chase me everywhere, they knock with pans on the roof of my house, knock on the window, on the wall and at night they eat all my food from the refrigerator. These little men sit at the ATM and constantly cheat me for money, yesterday I wrote an application for them to the Hague Tribunal, I hope Nelson Mandella will consider my application as soon as possible.

 

Fuck's sake, today is the election in America. There are two candidates - Trump and Biden and some unknown assholes. Shit! If you want to bury a stupid asshole, then vote for Biden, an old man in his 80s, where the fuck is he going? He needs to knit with a cross at home by the fireplace and not run for president. Fuck, he has a vibrator stuck in his anus soaked in monkey urine , and by the way, 5 people have already voted for him! These are people from the cemetery, well, you understand in short. I’m sorry to be so rude, but fishermen have a grosser name for him. I was just paid money and told to denigrate Biden's name, please excuse me if your children read my rudeness. In General, I don't really care about the election against the background of the coronovirus, which is spreading like shit in the toilet of Barack Obama. In Europe, everyone is forced to wear protective masks, as the authorities do not understand that the mask does not protect. Try to put your whole head in the bag from the IKEA store and shove it up the ass of a dead bum who died from Ebola, I wonder how long you will live after that, just like with a mask. Have you noticed the smell of conspiracy? Yes, that's right, the world elite planned all these events many, many years ago, everything is going according to their scenario. The death of Michael Jackson was also planned, Kurt Cobain was killed by an Italian hitman, the loss of Mike Tyson was also planned. Before the fight he was kidnapped and pumped up with laxatives and contraceptives, and he fell face forward like a rag on the floor of the ring. Do you think we live according to the Mayan calendar? They predicted the apocalypse in December 2012, so what? On the day of the apocalypse, I went to the synagogue for an excursion, being under a hard smoke in a state of passion, after which I was taken to a police station for beating two rabbis. Look, I want to apologize for what happened. I just got the wrong door, I wanted to go to the Museum of Nature and Geography, George W. Bush also made a mistake once with the door, but he was not tried for it. I like George W. Bush, he is a cowboy, loves Islamists and grows cucumbers on his ranch. He does not have a fence on the ranch, so please come and hang him up. I apologize for my frankness, but I was brought up to speak the truth. By the way, how is Mikhail Gorbachev doing? This vile old man drank up the entire Soviet Union, I hope, that in the near future Vagos moto club members will play bowling with his head. Halloween went down the drain, again there was little violence, murders and fires, carjackings and stabbings. I do not celebrate Halloween as I am a follower of the Living God Jesus Christ and company. My faith is as strong as Chuck Norris's belt, and my actions are clear and uncompromising. What is worse than coronavirus or fires? I think that if the whole of Europe burns down, the Chinese air force will drop a bacteriological weapon on Bill Gates house, or rather the dried shit of Ho Chi Minh, and Bill will pay in full for all his actions. Windows XP is no longer supported, what the fuck yo? You are great fellows, my dear readers. You realized that the Chinese air force in the form of an old Boeing will not reach the United States? For Russian submarines protect almost the entire globe from ballistic missiles and foreign threats! Hello to Elon Musk. As a child, I was fond of egg juggling and the theme of space, and also read the instructions - how to make a cluster bomb at home. Freedom for El Chapo, the Mexican dealers, and the Colombian rebels! You are very clever my dear readers, you probably noticed that I'm not telling you something? Yes, there is something I'm not telling you. I told you very little about Mongolia, yes, I rented whores in my yurt there. That's actually all I can say, about what I didn't tell you. Enlightened and cultural, pardon the language.

 

Not so long ago, my neighbor came to me to show me his dick. I do not know why he came to me, if something I am not gay. Maybe it's good that he came, I will always help those in need and help as much as I can. My neighbor came to my apartment, completely undressed and at the sight of him boiled cabbage almost crawled out of my ears - he was completely bald in all parts of his body and was smeared with oil like a bodybuilder. Will you come in for a nightcap? Josef - that is the name of my neighbor, told me that when he went to the forest to rest and eat boiled cabbage, he saw a rabbit playing the violin and disturbing his peace. "What the hell did you just say?" - I asked my neighbor. But he replied, that his delirium is the result of the harmful effects of radiation on him. It turns out that neighbor Josef found a toy rabbit in the forest and raped it. This revelation destroyed investor confidence in the Soros Foundation. I told my neighbor that these are the laws of karma and kicked him out of my apartment with a dirty broom. Bangladeshi man slapped a sheriff's deputy with a Bible and defecated on a neighbor's floor! Oh sorry, the robotic translator did not translate the sentence correctly, I meant that at the moment russian hackers are rigging the results of the US elections. Now I'm listenin to a famous astrologer on the radio and he says that in 2021 the coronavirus epidemic will continue and frogs will fall from the sky (because God told him so). I do not know who to trust more: astrologer, dirty gypsy or God? My faith is strong like the balls of Hercules. Try to do what's right and have faith in God. What happened yesterday - only strengthened my faith. Yesterday in my apartment strange people were falling from above, call it hail from painters. By the way, did you know that Obama is not a bit of a nigga? He is some kind of half-arab, he does not smoke crack, but smoking cigarette butts that Hillary throws him on the floor. Damn it, I know that you knew that, thank you, I am once again convinced that my readers are educated and well-read people.
So what I was talking about there, ah yes, about the painters falling from above. On Wednesday night, a house painter fell through the floor and fell on me while I was sleeping. Who knows, maybe this it's fate? In fact, someone was renovating an apartment on the floor above and some gay fell right on my bed, as if I slept with him all night, but I have other things on my mind. At that second it struck me like a flash of lightning. There was a hole in the ceiling as if king Kong had crawled out of it and my whole room was covered in plaster and construction shit. The house painter was lying unconscious on my bed, so I took off his pants and went to pee in the toilet. At night as luck would have it the electricity was turned off in all house and when I entered the toilet I went down the rabbit hole into the darkness. Apparently, the old dwellings of the house built in 1901 did not withstand too intensive repairs and the tenants began to fall through the floor. When the rescue squad arrived, I was rescued from the hole and the house painter was resuscitated. Also, the police arrived and wanted to prosecute me for possession of marijuana, but I said that I would smoke it until the weekend, the police agreed and left. I don't live in that house anymore, but I live in a motel and my money is already running out. While I am writing all this, it is still unclear who won the presidential elections in America - Guk or Chek?

 

Have you already played the game I installed for you on this site? Play to your health, my dear readers and do not forget to follow the rules. A grandiose and unprecedented video is under development, as the Motel is very noisy, freaking guest workers from Syria are brawling and interfere with concentration. I apologize for my rudeness my dear readers. It's just that the situation is tense now, Boris Johnson did not die of coronavirus and this news spoiled the mood of many. Well, these were the next Chronicles of Robinson, to be continued. It was another warning to the opposition and entrepreneurs. Whatever it is, I will not let you down my dear readers. Believe, wait and be healthy.

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Nuclear rabbit

I started to plump at the age of 12 with my neighbor Gregory, who served three years in prison for robbery and was released from prison without a wisdom tooth, but in general he looked like a chewed tomato. And when I was 9 years old I tried alcohol for the first time. I always watched my dad eat dried roach with a cool frothy drink and I really wanted to try it too. I was from a poor family and to buy myself a beer I had to steal money from the pockets of jackets in the school wardrobe. My dad also stole - parts from cars on an industrial scale at the General motors factory. He didn't work there, got into the factory through the sewers and once caught halera because he stepped on a rat. On TV, and we didn't have a TV at home, I went to watch TV with a woman next door who used to work in a sex brothel and who had buttock paralysis and during the advertising of Holsten beer, a friendly atmosphere of alcohol consumption was created. While my mom went out to look for mushrooms and dad went to the factory because he was short of money, so I snooped a bottle of beer from the refrigerator and opened it. I sipped a little beer from the bottle and it seemed to me bitter and tasteless. Nevertheless, I drank a whole bottle and I should admit that I started to feel sick and wanted to pee. I guess I could pee on someone if they really wanted me to. I pissed into a bucket that was in the room by the closet, but I forgot that we had a hamster in the bucket, which choked in urine and drowned. It... I'm sorry, it hurts me. Repeat after me, but only if you truly believe in your hearts the words that I speak. I started out working at a butcher shop when I was 13 years old. So I am 13 years old, in my group of friends no one goes in for sports and does not go to сontracts management sections. One boy, my friend Jacob went to boxing, but then he was imprisoned for robbery. I was made to carry out my first kill at 13. I worked in a butcher shop and the farmers brought a live goat to slaughter, but I didn’t want to stab it and in general I didn’t really understand what I was doing in the butcher’s shop. I just had to work in order to buy cold beer for myself and my dad. In short, local farmers brought a goat and my boss, the butcher John Ivanov, gave me an assignment to stab this goat. I didn't know what to do, I only used a knife once in my life when I played Counter Strike on the de_dust map. I called a taxi and stuffed this goat into the trunk and told the taxi driver to take him further to Skyrim to the Nords. I had no money to pay for a taxi and I stabbed the taxi driver with a knife and ran away. I swear I didn't mean to kill him. I just felt sorry for the goat. The taxi driver didn't die because I stabbed him with a wooden knife from a joke store, and yes, I wasn't caught, because I was wearing dark glasses like Neo and a beard like Bin Laden, also bought at a joke store. Sorry for being cryptic at the work. I've been afraid for months I'd be the one to blow the secret. I was dressing so, that I would not be caught by the police, because I did a lot of illegal acts but I had no juvenile record whatsoever, certainly no criminal record. Today in Belarus is restless, by the way, where is it located? The geography textbook says - between the toilet bowl and the drain. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. According to the latest information - some kind of stupid cunt from the opposition declared herself as a president, although there were presidential elections and Alexander Lukashenko was legally elected. He made good roads and increased the potato crop - our man.

 

I didn’t have a computer in my childhood, I went online through an empty bottle of beer and pinged, tried to deface the Microsoft website. At that time, almost no one had computers, and it was boring at home, so teenagers got together, and the only leisure was alcohol. We began to gather in groups, in yards and entrances. We started with beer, one bottle was enough to get really drunk, and if we drank strong, we didn't bast at all. In my house, an enterprising old bone womana started selling vodka at 10 euros per bottle, for 5 euros you could buy a beer with a bubble flavour. I loved to drink this kind of beer and break empty bottles on the radiator in the entrance, and then go up to the top floor and ring everyone on the doorbell quickly going downstairs. All illegal occupants opened the door and thought that a fire had started and in a panic ran out into the street being naked. Vodka for me was disgusting, warm, with diphenhydramine or some other nasty thing, it completely blew the roof off. One guy smashed a bottle over the head of another, at the emergency room the poor fellow was stitched and bandaged. The next morning, none of the two could remember what was the cause of the conflict. We gathered for 8-10 people and drank in front of school, at a classmate's house, at some Mexicans in an apartment and then went to lessons and even physical education. I felt the state of a winner, once in a physical education lesson before which we got drunk on beer, I did exercises with dumbbells and accidentally hit the physical education instructor on the head, who started shouting, calling for help, shouting that he was being killed. After physical education class, he was taken to a psychiatric hospital. Once my buddies and I got so drunk, that one eccentric dude caught a stray cat and raped him in front of the whole company, and that's when I decided not to drink anymore. By the age of 18, I almost did not drink, not a drop of alcohol, even if there was some kind of holiday or someone had a birthday. I found myself a hobby - darts. I pasted a poster of Margaret Thatcher to the door and threw darts at it. Once I threw darts and suddenly the door was opened and my friend entered the apartment and I did not have time to stop my hand and threw  a dart that hit his forehead. A friend fell to the floor, I dragged him into the bathroom and covered him with a towel and went to play PlayStation. An hour later, he came out and said that I saved his life, we ordered pizza and then for a long time the two of us played PlayStation. When I used to drink hard in past, I drank for a reason, I drank out of grief. Even then, I predicted an epidemic of the corona virus and I was  offended for people. It's good that I stopped drinking, geopolitics helped me. Back in those distant years, I was a fan of Yasser Arafat. He looked like Santa Claus with a rag on his head, but then he died, I became an atheist and I started watching a reality show with Trump. There in the show, he gave advice to young businessmen on how to become successful. I don't know where they recruited such loser (wimp) actors, probably from the rural drama theater. I will give advice to all novice businessmen - do not throw away holey socks, it is better to sew up the hole and pull the sock over the dick. By the way, Trump and his wife got sick with the corona virus. It was Putin who infected them, Putin personally. He came to the White House, coughs into Trump's soup, which the cook prepared for him, and then flew on a broomstick to the Kremlin. Do you believe in little (tiny) green men? I myself know all about it and yes. There are a lot of these green men in the city pool, well, there are strange people in green rubber caps and they juggle votes before the elections in America.

 

It's good that I don't drink anymore, I don't have to draw a plan of the New York subway scheme on the asphalt with condensed milk. I like to fall asleep in a bra and wake up without pants, but it wasn't always like this. I recently learned that Barack Obama had an affair with a gorilla, from which he contracted ganacoc and Ebola, which later spread to the whole World. The White House knew this, but hid this fact, as they were afraid that the NASDAQ indexes would fall. Later, Russian hackers influenced the presidential elections in America. My dear readers! As I promised last time, the game has been updated on this site. If you read the site carefully, then you understand what I'm talking about, and if not - then you are a democrat. This game was found on a dead pirate's flash drive off the coast of Somalia, I don't know if Oracle Corporation or the World Health Organization is somehow connected with this, but now the game is here and I don't care. The essence of the game is to collect food for the little man and eat other little men, this is fucking good old Pacman. While playing this game, you must follow strict rules. For every eaten dot, please pay 1 cent to my organization. And please do not engage in fraudulent activities, do not use cheat codes and do not fool me. Want to start playing? Click to Play. Recently, I decided to make a list of the motherfuckers I've ever been annoyed with. I'll tell you this another time, as well as about the radioactive rabbit, which my neighbor found in the bag in the forest and almost went bald. I am in Syria right now, sitting in an air defense installation and shooting down flying saucers controlled by Shaolin monks, sitting in a mask, because the terrorists from ISIL have weak immunity and they all suffer from the coronavirus. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. I know, but, let's just hold off until we know something more. There's too many saucers and interference in here.

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Great Depression (fck summertime sadness)

It's been a long time since I've breathed fresh air and pooped like a king. Due to the Corona Virus epidemic, I was sitting in a hollow tree with woodpeckers with a cork from shitty Georgian wine, which I stuffed into my anus according to Copperfield's instructions, so as not to get infected with the virus. Just yesterday, I got out of the hollow covered in bird shit, feathers, in wet pants and asked myself - where am I? Thank God that a tree stood at the entrance to my house, I found the way to the entrance and went through the door. A moment later, I felt an itch in my anus and remembered that there was a wine cork. I wanted to pull it out, but I didn't know how. Calling the emergency service was not an option, because the fire brigade would have arrived to my house and rip my ass off with pneumatic forceps. I decided to go to the pharmacy and buy a laxative, while I was going to the pharmacy - stuck cork restricted my movements and I looked like an Isuzu SUV that hit a mine. I had a sudden urge to relax and smoke opium to relieve my burden as a cork keeper. When I got to the pharmacy, I saw that a strange man was lying at the entrance, completely passed out, he had feathers on his head and urine was flowing out of his pants, which created a puddle and flowed down the street. When I went to the pharmacy, I saw a bald bumpkin running out of it with a Tampax package in his hand.This dude jumped up the road and did not notice the open hatch and fell into it. I immediately remembered that long time ago I finished reading a book about speleologists and also decided to go down into this hatch in order to conduct research on the topic "Is it possible to hold out underground with a tampax package for one month'". While I was preparing to descend, some rabbi passed by, and I asked him to take off his underpants and stand as a traffic controller, so that cars would go around the hatch.It was a manhole and I saw a ladder that could be used to get down and I carefully went down. I didn't find this bumpkin, apparently he was floated away with shit downstream trough the sewers into collector, but I found a package of Tampax, I took it and went up. Poor but brave rabbi was still standing without underpants in the middle of the road, I called the police and said that a pervert walks around the city and scares people, that's clear, right? After which I went back to the pharmacy. So I entered the pharmacy, I went over to the counter and asked the woman pharmacist for a kilogram of nails and some screws, but all off a sudden the Varta battery fell out from her mouth and hit the floor. I picked up the battery and put it in my pocket, realizing that they won't help me here - I went to a liquor store to buy a corkscrew to use a life hack to pull cork out of the depths of my cave, which has not yet been explored by spelelologisst. I like to feed petit chickens and to delight myself. When I entered the liquor store, I saw a billiard table on which two asians in cowboy hats were banging each other in the ass with a harpoon right on the table. In case you haven't noticed, I've had a lot on my mind and I got up to the counter and panicked. At the counter stood some weird asshole in a closed-glass motorcycle helmet with dumbbells in his hands and no pants. I picked his pants up off of the floor, put it in my bag to plant them at home in the plant pot in the corner. I used to grow beans in pots, but now I grow random pants. I knocked the cyborg on the helmet with a hammer, since I carry it in my pocket for self-defense, but there was no reaction, I realized that he died of stress looking at the Asians, he stands straight like the Colossus of Rhodes, as if he stuck to the shit of a mammoth and cannot fall down the floor, A little more and he will fall and roll like a bowling ball into the hole for slops. I haven't had time to think about it And then all of the sudden I remembered that I have a cork in the inner pocket of my jacket,  I carry it with me for self-defense. I remembered it so abruptly,so abruptly, like a cop with diarrhea who's being threatened with death by two niggers and he's got a donuts in his holster instead of a gun. I ran to the toilet and when I ran up, I found that there was no door in the toilet. I turned my phone back on and opened up the Aliexpress website and got acquainted with the prices on the doors, but I wasn't doing very well. There was neon lighting in the toilet and some weird man was kneeling with his head stuck in the urinal, a damn drug addict, but I had no time for him. I ran into the toilet stall, undressed, took out a corkscrew and tucked it neatly into something. I didn't think that that fucked up idea was a good for me and then I suddenly heard that someone from the next toilet stall was asking me for a dose of heroin. I hated it when people only hit me up when they needed drugs. I got out of my stalland broke into the booth from where there was a voice for help. There was a bald guy sitting on a toilet bawl, and I took off his pants and went back to my stall. In the pockets of his pants, I found vaseline, which I used, the cork came out like a little train. Scary thing ,is that I felt relieved and I was able to fly through the air ,but fell on the floor like a bag with potato. When I was about to leave the toilet, I discovered that there was a video surveillance camera mounted on the ceiling. I got scared that all my actions were recorded and I'm busted. I came out of the toilet, I came out of this sadomized place and saw some strange man in a cowboy hat, lying upside down in a puddle of urine. Then I remembered another man lying on the ground near by the pharmacy and realized that these two torn condoms are somehow connected. A week later, I found out that in the toilet where I've used vaseline - there was not a surveillance camera but a smoke detector, I smoked Don Jose's cigar there with the Asians. I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhea. It's my lucky day.

 

Over the decades of this site's existence, it has firmly established itself in the niche of thrash, drunken romp, sodomy, frenzy and similar portals. For me - this is an invaluable experience, I learned a little English and began to write the word "penis" not with the letter A but with the letter e. Yes, I will not hide the fact that I masturbated a little, when I was looking at random photos of the fans that they sent me. When I first got a photo of an old mexican dude, I used to look at a photo from my past, compared both photos, and I realized that I would rather masurbate on myself. And as I looked at the photo of my fans, I noticed a lot of strange things and realized that most of my fans are wheelchair users and old people from retirement homes. Thank you so much for coming, your support, everyone, and thank you for always cheering me on at all my fights. If you read the site carefully, you might have noticed that I was dealing potatoes in all its forms: naked, dressed, blue and pink, and because of the influence of capitalism on bill Clinton's ass, a rubber dummy of which is produced at factories in Taiwan - I sold it for money. Well, if you're such a pizza connoisseur, there's a really great place in Italian Harlem. Oh I'm so sorry, I mean, if you are an expert and like to thoroughly study the collection of aphorisms from Moses, which this site is -  you might have noticed that I was dealin various strange tings: camel raisins, boxes of matches, stockings, pictures of electric scooters and others. If you need some,just let me know I can push you a product of the highest quality. Age of eight I was selling scrap from a barrow. A few years ago, actually, I was doing a drop in Boston. In all my time dealing, I never got shot. I traded with the Chinese three years ago, I sold them camel raisins. To raise my income I worked as a gigolo in a disco club for those over 60, I never thought I'd sleep with anyone over 40. I was selling my body just to survive. My dear snails, didn't your parents teach you not to believe different strangers? Don't trust the men with black mustaches who ask you to get into their Chevrolet pickup truck for candy, but you can trust me. Obviously, isn't it? Yes, I was engaged in different business, a couple of years ago I opened a joke store, but a week later I went bankrupt. The fact is that I had a defective product, but I did not know about it. I bought a container of gag toys from Taiwan and opened a shop. Snails, you know what a joke shop is, right? For example, there is a glass and there is vodka in it, but there is no way to pour out vodka, since there is an invisible gasket in the glass, which does not allow liquid to pour out of the glass. You take this glass and approach a passerby and shake the glass in his face. The passer-by does not know that there is an invisible gasket and vodka will not pour out on him. A passer-by thinks that vodka will splash out of a glass on him and gets hung up from fear like a worm on a frying pan. Or there is another gag toy - fake rubber tits. Just put them on yourself, you can wear them over your clothes and go up to the bouncer at the strip club and ask him to run his tongue over your Tits. I did this once, went up to the big guy and said - I don't want to get sideways with you you're as big as a barn! Lick my boobs stupid bag of shit! This dumbass ripped off my fake boobs and forced me dance for cowboys at the pole all night. After that stormy night, I went back to my store and saw only ashes instead of the store. It turns out that some robbers illegally entered the store at night and started joking. They put fake rubber boobs on each other, started making jokes and started setting off firecrackers, the rubber boobs ignited and they burned up along with all my stuff. I was glad that there was no need to pay taxes anymore and went to ride the carousel. After I went for a ride on the carousels I went for a pony ride because the carousels didn't work. During my pony ride, some pale dude ran up to me, introduced himself as a postman and handed me an envelope. I was so happy that inside there would be raspberry-flavored condoms and weed, but there was a letter from a collection agency. That's where I became intrigued. I decided not to open the envelope since there could be a biological weapon in the form of powder inside and I decided that someone else would open the envelope. I looked back and saw a street musician singing an opera to the beat of The Notorious B.I.G. So I walk up to him and put my envelope in the donation hat and walked aside. The hat was empty, there was not even a coin in it, street singer must've stashed his money in Choko Beaver's biscuit tin. Our singer saw that I put the envelope in the donation hat, he stopped singing like Eros Ramazzotti, went to the hat and took the envelope. The greedy fag must have thought there was money in the envelope. Lucky singer took the envelope, opened it and fell like a potato, as if from a fever to the ground. I took off his pants, took an envelope, grabbed his hat and ran away. On the way home, I stopped by a spruce tree to pick up some cones I stuffed a whole pocket of cones and ran on. To tell the truth, I put cones into exhaust pipes of random cars, so that the exhaust would not pollute air and because of that to prevent glaciers melting. Last time I came across a wonderful car - Porsche Spider, I put cones into the exhaust pipe according to the scheme and left a note with the address of Santa Claus in Lapland.  Let all claims be presented to him. So, I had an envelope with a letter addressed to me personally, I was so intrigued that I really wanted to poop, but decided to endure the storm as a knight of Queen Elizabeth, sat down under a spruce tree and opened it. The letter was from a collection agency and for a second, I was so confused with the content and subject of the letter. From the envelope came heavy, burning smell of an old cunt and reeked of George W. Bush's ashes. The letter contained a claim from the collection agency to me that I should pay the penalties that had accumulated over many years. The plaintiff was an office that provides phone sex services, and I remembered something. The fact is that in 1999, as a teenager, I dialed a number that provides sex services over the phone and talked with the phone whore for two hours about passing the Diablo 1 pc game, but suddenly my grandmother came into the room and the connection was interrupted My granny sat down at the computer and went through Diablo in two hours and then told me not to call her again. The letter indicated the amount that I must pay for telephone services, there is about 90 thousand dollars. How did I know that dad would not pay for that call. While I am writing this article, I have already received two calls from the collection agency and in the voice of Freddy Krueger they told me to better pay the entire debt, otherwise they will rape the satellite dish on the roof of my house. Let me turn to you, dear readers! I want to raise $ 30,000 to hire a gang of monkeys, that will destroy the collection Agency and put a grenade into the pants of their boss. This is an unprecedented campaign, I hope you will understand me and help dear snails
You can donate money to the campaign in the left column of this site, there is also information at the top of the page, please read it. These are not the bank accounts of corrupt janitors, but the accounts of the Saint Potato Foundation. Thank you in advance. Yes, I almost forgot - you can buy something from me and it will help too.

 

Not so long ago, I discovered a great hobby for myself - smearing lips with strawberry jam and going shopping in search of slippers. I need slippers to snuck them into the exhaust pipes of cars. This is a protest action against poachers, who kill pandas and sell their fur to Bill Gates. Once I smeared my lips with strawberry jam and broke in to a bar where members of the Hell's Angels motorcycle club always hang out. We all together smeared our lips with strawberry jam and then rode motorcycles, I crashed into the lamp post and almost died. Did I ever tell you that I really love going to the circus? My favorite circus is the one from Harlem. There are black clowns, but their nose is red according to all the canons of circus art. My favorite clown is the McDonald's clown. I hope that his head will be bashed in one of these days and take away his clothes, because he is not very funny. The clown should be funny, at the performance he should show everyone his genitals to make everyone happy. He should sit on a broom in the literal sense, stink of shit, walk around in piss-soaked pants, juggle dried pieces of shit and make the audience laugh in every possible way. Once a wandering circus came to our city. I smeared my lips with strawberry jam and went to the show. I just felt bad to pay 10 euros for the entrance and I climbed over the fence. I was not interested in any attractions, the only thing I visited - was the fear room. As soon as I entered it, the siren began to rustle and I ran back out into the street with wet pants to wave down to help with out looking back, it's so good that I didn't pay 10 euros for the entrance. I came to my senses and went to a huge tent - there was a performance of clowns in the arena and I hurried there. I went inside and took a seat closer to the arena. I got popped with six extasy pills to make it more comfortable to watch the clowns. Suddenly the crowd was subdued and the lights went out in the arena, it was completely dark and out of the blue, I heard a sound of brutal farting. None of the audience understood nothing but they all laughed. A second later someone shouted Allahu Akbar, the audience did not understand anything but everyone was laughing. Five seconds later, the entire arena heard the sound of the toilet flushing, the audience did not understand what was happening, but everyone laughed. Suddenly the light turned on and I saw a naked stranger in the arena, who was reading a newspaper on a stool. A moment later two people in hot dog suits ran out, twisted him and led him out of the arena. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. After that, the music started playing and the next artist - the magician - entered the arena. He took with him a long box on wheels and began to look for a volunteer from the audience to show the whole public the trick. An elderly Asian woman appeared in the role of a volunteer. The trick was as follows: someone climbs into a long box and lies down in it, after which the magician takes a saw and saws the box into three parts. You probably know this trick!  After sawing the box, the illusion appears that the person was cut into three parts, since the box is divided into three parts, everything is fine, after which the box is reconnected and the person climbs out of it and James Cameron is amazed that he did not use such special effects in his films. In general, an elderly Asian woman climbed into the long box of the magician and lay down there, after which the magician closed the box and took his chainsaw in his hands. The dude started the chainsaw and began to saw the box, but not into three parts, but like a long sausage into ten parts. When the distribution of wood and wood products wasfinished, two people in hot dog suits came out, twisted the magician, and hauled the box backstage. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. Suddenly, under the dome of the circus, the light went out and someone shouted out of the darkness - "help, they try to rape me." The audience didn't understand anything and everyone laughed. A moment later, the light turned on and I saw a cage in the arena, in which a tiger was sitting, and two clowns and a man with a whip, apparently an animal trainer, were coming out of the backstage.One of the clowns went up the cage and started teasing the tiger, and the second clown went to the first clown and started pissing on him.The clown who was teasing the tiger took out a piece of chicken leg from his pocket and held out his hand with the chicken in the cage to the tiger. The second clown walked up to the cage and stuck his penis through the cage and started humming loudly a tune from the Matrix movie. Suddenly, the lights went out in the arena and someone's screams were heard, the light turned on and I saw that the tiger had bitten off the hand of the clown, which was trying to feed him like a local benefactor. The animal trainer ran into the cage to calm the angry tiger, took part of the clown's hand and threw it to the audience. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. The animal trainer failed to subdue the tiger and the ferocious creature bit him on the knee and ran out through the open cage doors. Meanwhile, the second clown, as if nothing had happened, stood by the cage with his pants down and hummed a melody from The Matrix movie. An enraged tiger started running around the arena and the circus started panicking and suddenly I saw the tiger pounce on the nigger who was sitting closer to the arena, the nigger pretended to be dead and the tiger ran on. The aggressive creature then attacked the woman in the burqa and ate her completely. Suddenly, under the dome of the circus, music began to play and the announcer made an announcement - this is a drill, everyone stay in their seats. I went down through the crowd of spectators closer to the arena and saw that the clown throws a grenade into the crowd of people. everyone sat down in their places. The audience did not understand anything, but everyone laughed. Since then I don't go to the circus,I go to the puppet theater and sit in the last row next to the exit. And as for the circus, everything was roughly the same, but instead of a tiger, a beaver ran out of the cage with a Shaheed belt. You know, my dear snails, you help me a lot, it's obvious. You come here to me and help me, I can't explain it, it's obvious. I bring good to people, I bring ololo to people. Sorry if i hurt someone, sory for being rude and for the rudeness that can often be found in my text.

 

Times change, but not Bill Clinton's ripped pants which Boris Yeltsin wears as a talisman in hell. I still advise you to try smearing your lips with strawberry jam and go to a club where neo-Nazis hang out and introduce yourself as king David. Once I smeared my lips with sea buckthorn jam and went to the synagogue, and then went out and got on the tram. I was late for a concert of the Ramstein band and the tram driver was driving slowly, it felt like he was pissing under himself, felt the joy and was in no hurry. I politely knocked on the cab door and said I would pour a pot of boiling water over his head if he didn't go faster, he was seriously scared, ran out of the cab and jumped out of the tram. I sat down at the tram control panel and at that moment I really wanted to smear raspberry jam on my lips, which I did. A moment later, I was stopped by border control as I tried to cross the Mexican border. I didn't have any identification with me, and I only had a picture of Mother Teresa in my jacket pocket, just in case, if I want to jerk off. I explained to the border guards that I was taking Jews from the brutal captivity of the Egyptian Pharaoh to Afghanistan to help me grow red poppies. I was detained and released on bail and only yesterday I returned home, thank God I didn't catch coronavirus in a boat with illegal immigrants that crossed the Atlantic ocean. I can’t talk for a long time, as I have an electronic bracelet on my leg and I’m being monitored around the clock. Now I am looking for a welding machine in my barn to remove the bracelet from my leg. I'm thinking of throwing the bracelet in McDonald's trash bin, let the punishment services think that I'm in the trash bin. My dear people, please do not forget about the donation campaign that I mentioned in this article (Sex on the phone, 1999). I still want to release an unprecedented video, never seen before, but I can’t record it yet, because my grandmother sleeps in my room and snores terribly. I need your help. Do good, it will not be forgotten.

P.S. In the near future I will update the game on the site (if you read it carefully and you are a loyal fan, then you know what I'm talking about hehe).
Technology is moving forward and people need spectacle and entertainment.

Thank you! Follow up the news!

 
 
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Guerrilla Warfare

sparta Have you noticed, that people hide in the cracks like cockroaches, so that they would not be slapped with a slipper by the groups of the anonymous authority, which has been given birth by the international network structures, World behind side scene? And in the zombie’s media, donkey urine is poured into the infernal cauldron, where Bill Clinton is boiling, who asks for a last chance to put a dick in Monica’s mouth. Hello, and welcome to the first new episode of Survivor Chronicles. During hard times this will be the name of the all articles. Last night on a pornhub website I found out, that the American civil war was started. In Texas, a black man was caught into tornado funnel and was deported to the Emerald City. There he got lost and couldn't find the toilet and urinated in the fountain where a decrepit old man with green glasses was swimming along with dried pieces of shit. Black man was immediately grabbed by guards in green glasses and tasered and dumped in a dumpster to die. Moreover, they pured boiling water there and closed the lid. Because of these events, in Alaska - unrest among citizens has began. Among the local Indians there were wild riots: they robbed people, set fire to cars, broke into nursing homes and raped oxygen tanks, broke into a local radio station, tore off the microphone and took turns sitting on it, many people were injured. A pastor from Luther King’s church called for peace of mind, after which he took a hammer and went to smash windows of a clothes store from an Italian couturiers. Sometimes you have to put something shiny in the window to get him in the store. This is exciting that these groups threatened to force those disobeying the call to strike to return to their homes and to attack any shops, businesses or vehicles that defied their actions.A wave of protests and riots quickly spread across America, as cornhusker flew everywhere and threw leaflets with the following content: "Sucking on the tits! Had the hooker beggin for the dick! My dick got rock quick!" Cornhusker's pilot was Denis Rodman, along with Kim Jong-un, who wanted to throw a rotten tomato on the Microsoft office building, but there was a sharp turn and Kim Jong-un fell out of the plane like potato and fell on the roof of the Microsoft office building where Bill Gates grilled a chicken. Bill Gates thought: "What a chubby pigeon, just delicious". Bill Gates donates money to various scientific research, stewed cabbage, fart aesthetics. He is also the largest contributor of the World Health Organization and can lobby for any of his interests. By the way, people say, that he knew long before the coronovirus epidemic that there would be an epidemic. Actually, I would drink a cup of Nesquik with him in a sushi bar in Wuhan, but I'm afraid that while we will sit there, then at one of the nuclear power stations in China, the light bulb will burn out, because Windows XP will hang, like a low battery kiborg toy. Meanwhile, riots in America are already in Minnesota and Pamela Anderson walking in the forest of West Virginia and looking for her lost virginity. I don't know, if it was a stump or a branch, maybe a log, but whatever it was, there was no gas attack in Syria. Remember the "White Helmets" squad, who knows who these clowns are? Write about it in the comments. While I'm in lock down, I don't see many people, I'm a little bit lonely and I drink tea with a Bun. Meanwhile, in America, events are unfolding very spontaneously, a civil war on the nose. John McCain does not waste time in vain; he practices somersaults back and forth in the Shaolin Monastery. When he knew a civil war was about to break out, he sent one son to fight for the North and one to the South. Unfortunately, one son has no leg and the other has a concussion on his head, Oh, these retarded Vietnam veterans. We need to find the answer - why is everything so fucked up in America? It all started with the fact that Michael Jackson turned pale as death, it all started when the Americans landed on the moon, although the landing itself was filmed in the pavilion of the Warner Bros. movie studio, it all started with the fact that there was no need to invade Vietnam. I really liked the video, which showed how dead dudes from coronavirus were buried in white coffins. This ceremony was also filmed at the Warner Bros. studio, inside the coffins lay defective flash drives from China and glass wool, and the coffins themselves were made of cardboard ordered on Aliexpress. By the way, the medicine Remdesivir, which was created in America, is absolutely not effective. With this garbage you can only treat diarrhea of penguins. So, who benefits from this coronovirus and epidemic? Answer: reptilians. When the virus passes, foreign interventionists will arrive on Earth. I advise you to stock up on good weapons to resist. In fact, gray cardinals, let's call them “underground rappers” come up with different scarecrows stories and other goose crap so that people walk as directed, be obedient and in the end become slaves. No need to fight, it’s better to launch an expedition to Mars as soon as possible, instead of a Mars rover you can wear a donkey into spacesuit and move around Mars on it and generally, we should send some mazafakas to Mars and let they do their dark things there. If Tupac hadn’t flown to the moon, he would still be alive. By the way, Tupac and Biggie Smalls should've been putted into a coffin in a hand-to-big-toe pose and to every one of them should have put a pack of Remdesivir into their funeral clothes so they can have a good time in the afterlife sushi bar. Watch how Borka Yeltsin is dancing and gentlemen, prepare to have your lives transformed. By the way, the price of oil hit yet another record, because of his whole Rooster Poot Playhouse. Well, let's not talk about carrion, but let's talk about lilliputians, movies, people and events.

I don’t want to discuss anything bitch, I'm getting pretty tired of that the aliens abducting me on Tuesdays and the next morning I wake up without pants in some kind of dirty porch. I have established a very good contact with them, they have subscribed to my twitter, instagram and facebook. I don't like it, when they show up unexpectedly and ask to go with them to their spaceship. One time I was relieving myself and sitting on john, a ray of light suddenly appeared and I began to be attracted by this ray to their rubber boat, which hovered over my house. I took haloperidol and the ray disappeared, I never met aliens any more. I saw only fishermen on a rubber boat and they slipped some stick into the water, I was very puzzled about what they were trying to do. I opened up the Wikipedia website and it turned out that this is not a stick, but a fishing pole and they fish, I did not know this before. Now there is an epidemic of coronavirus, someone is sounding the alarm, someone is trying to be treated by sticking reeds into dusty anus and someone like me is waging a guerrilla war with alien invaders who are already among us. My long-term research in this field has shown that invaders are afraid of consecrated water like not good demons, and they are also afraid of the appearance of the Ken doll. Recently I went to the church to get consecrated water, dragged a barrel with me and gave the priest a donation to restore the altar and asked him to pour water into the barrel and consecrate it. When he finished consecrating the water, I asked him to get into the barrel and he got into the barrel, then I closed the lid and rolled the barrel to my van, loaded it into the van, and drove away. In the evening, I had to fly to Afghanistan to buy a plasma gun and red poppy seeds there from local huckster for my greenhouse. I spent a month in Afghanistan, bought an air defense installation, a plasma gun and poppy seed. When I flew back to my homeland, I remembered that in my van there was a barrel filled with consecrated water and with a priest inside. I was very pleased with an air defense installation that I bought, I need it in order to shoot down the drone that my neighbor launches. This fag launches a drone that annoyingly flies over my house and takes pictures of everything on camera. Once I jerked off and did not close the window with a curtain, meanwhile this drone filmed everything that was happening, look for this video in the CIA archives. I forgot to mention that when I was in Afghanistan, I also bought an electronic catapult. Just today, I loaded a catapult with a drained shit of the deceased bum and launched a projectile throughout a neighbor's window. One hour later, the ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital with a heart attack, now neighbor's drone will not fly over my house. As I said earlier, I lead the resistance against the reptiloids and the shadow world government, both of them are afraid of the Ken doll, and I have it. Did you notice that Ken doesn't have a dick? And a hermaphrodite body? And glass eyes like a drug addict has, have you ever noticed? Such a defective Ken is a poor assistant in the fight against reptilians, such a crap must be burned to the glory of Zeus. I, as Papa Carlo, created an improved Ken from wood: instead of a dick, I attached a tiny bell to it, made needles instead of hair, and with the help of cotton wool, I made him huge muscles. Recently, I was walking down the street and saw an Illuminati he had a big bag on his shoulder and I immediately realized that the bag contains equipment for communicating with an alien mind. I took Ken out of my pocket, I always carry him with me, ran up to the traitor of earthlings and started to hit him over his head with Ken. Dude fell and I took off his pants to make a DNA sample from their microparticles and determine which planet he was from, one minute later I left that spot in a hurry. The next day, the local newspaper reported that the postman was attacked, beaten with a doll and somebody stripped off his pants. I was so ashamed, it was good that he did not remember me, everything happens, well, think about it, I was wrong. Meanwhile, 66-year-old Sylvia Driskell from Nebraska sued all gay people in the World. Moreover, she filed her claim as a representative of "God and his son Jesus Christ". Seven pages of italicized text all come down to this phrase: burn all faggots! As I said earlier, street riots are spreading across America. Black rappers struggle with tyranny of masons and social injustice. Did I tell you how I robbed the Gypsies? One day I was walking along the shore of the lake and saw how the Gypsies dig the ground, Yes, real Gypsies and with real shovels. It turned out that they had some Gypsy flair and found there scrap metal, or rather sections of rails. One rail was already dug out and the Gypsies were digging further. The next evening, I specifically went there and looked, dug ten rails and went on digging. I want to note that this place was not quite wild but not crowded. The shore was steep and I wondered how these skinny guys would raise these rails up the hill. I did not bother and at exactly 4 a.m., without notifying the gypsies, I drove up to this place on a Dodge pickup truck with my neighbor and pulled out all the rails with the help of cables and loaded it into a pickup truck.  We took this good to an old man who took scrap metal for money, drove back there twice. I'm so sorry, Gypsies. Not long ago I was almost killed by the toilet bowl, but more on that later, and now the commercial break: buy bags in IKEA stores!

In order not to get infected with the coronavirus, I bought a rake yesterday. I put them on the ground, moved 10 meters away, accelerated and stepped on them with a run. I knew that they would be able to punch me on the forehead, I knew that they would be able to make a lot of damage to public health and society at large and that a cherry pie will not fall on me from the sky. Sometimes I work part-time as a volunteer, for any help I just ask for a little cash money to buy a cannabis from a dealer, and if greedy squatters don't give money, I rob them. Recently, I was tasked to carry food to an old cunt, I took a bag of food for her, laid everything out, I've got all the pretzel rolls I can handle and took them for myself. I put only a mushroom in the bag for that old lady, which I plucked walking towards her past the forest. When I got to her door, I took viagra, so, just in case and rang the doorbell. Suddenly I discovered that the door was unlocked and I went inside. There was a terrible smell, as if someone had died and the whole apartment was littered with some kind of garbage. I saw cats, there were 20 of them, tied to a battery, two dogs and a crow, and the old bitch herself was lying on the bed drunk to death. I took Ken out of my pocket, I always carry him with me and began to beat that old slut over her head so that she sobered up, but familiar whore didn’t come to her senses. It seems that she kicked the bucket and didn't molest poor animals, I put a bag with a mushroom on the table, freed the animals, having untied them from the battery, took the black briefcase which I liked and left. I really hoped that there must be a lot of money in the briefcase. The police tried to find me but I was hiding in a septic tank as soon as I heard yelling and opened that briefcase up, but there was a sandwich, used condoms, and a package of Remdisivir, well, not bad, either. As the commander of the resistance against aliens, I recruit volunteers and those, who care about the fate of our Planet. We need resources and money. We're going to need a number of Bill Gaytes, he has a love nest in Paris and I need the address. I also need a jet plane and a parachute to go for drop into Mark Zuckerberg's inferno, which is the common enemy of all humanity and must be combated. Maybe I could parachute in from a helicopter, or scuba dive in from the sewer. These dudes have a lot of money, but we need even more. We will assemble an army of Zulus and Aborigines and arm them for the glory of Moloch. Recently an old man wrote a letter to me and asked to save his grandson from enraged classmates. The fact is that, classmates constantly chased after the grandson with knives and I decided to settle this issue. The thing is that - grandpa gave his grandson apples to school, they are juicy and ripe. Classmates did not want to harm the grandson, they just wanted to cut his apple and eat it. I advised that gradson instead of apples to carry a bottle of whiskey to school. Now classmates are chasing that grandson with glasses, but I think I have solved initial problem. As I said earlier, I, as a henchman of the church of Saddam Hussein (he explained to me how to use the hair drier) and for the resistance team with the shadow government - need money. "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Timothy 6:10). I am not a fan of money, but I see how the needy need it, because in Africa children die of thirst and hunger and various charitable foundations only launder money from donations. What are people ready to do for money and what money are ready to do for them? I need money to feed my goat Vilkes, so you can buy a matchbox  from me so I would split the profits with my goat and feed him. Give us this day our daily bread. Money is needed just for a piece of sausage and for resistance squad. Do not be afraid to donate money, there is nothing to worry about. May the giver’s hand not be empty, thenk you. There are rich people who donate one pair of socks for the poor and walk with their raised heads. Is this a good deed? This is just an attempt to buy indulgence, nothing more. My neighbor, he has cerebral palsy, once tried to rob a jewelry store to buy a french baguette for his brother, who works in a circus, he is a midget his name is Jofrey Valentino. A 59-year-young man drove into a jewelry store in southern Alaska, handed the seller a note and pulled out a plasticine gun. He did this cleverly with his feet. The message contained the standard phrase : "Give me the money or I'll shoot you." They gave him all the money and he left. After half an hour, the police caught him, threw him off the wheelchair, stuck him in a suitcase that was handed over to the storage room.

We're well aware that it's a hard time now, buy even in this time of stress people should pull together and smoke some weed. When I worked at the pawnshop, different dudes brought us all kinds of crap: holey socks, false jaws, inflatable dolls, slippers and much more. At that time, we had a serial robber in our city who robbed people's apartments and stole their slippers and didn't touch anything else. I worked on the night shift, there weren’t many customers at night, so I could calmly watch Hentai on TV. One night, when I was on shift, a man in a clown mask ran into the pawn shop. I thought that it was a robber and was about to get a sawn-off shotgun from under the counter, but suddenly he took off his mask and said that he wanted to pawn his slippers. It was a black man, who introduced himself as Usain Bolton. I told him that he would get 50 cents for his slippers, so he offered to exchange his slippers for a false jaw with his surcharge. We did the deal of the century and the customer left satisfied. This dude came back ten times in a month and kept bringing me different slippers and then I got suspicious. Once again, when I was on shift, some kind of an old man in a straw hat brought a live goat to pawn it. I gave this man 650 dollars and he left pleased. In order not to fall asleep on the shift, I turned on the Hentai + radio, there was a newscast: "A young man from Nigeria has been arrested for stealing more than a hundred pairs of slippers from the streets of Abuja. It turned out that the vile villain did not need the shoes for resale or any other criminal schemes, but for sexual pleasures-he kissed the slippers, hugged them and put them on his genitals." At this moment I fell from my chair and remembered the black man who brought slippers to our pawnshop and thought was it really that same heinous villain. Fuck, but how did he end up in my city and how did he bring so many slippers with him from Nigeria? Is it really smuggling or dirty cocaine money - but altogether, that's another story yet. I completely forgot to tell you about the methods of guerrilla warfare and what to do if you find plutonium. This I will tell you in the next Survivor Chronicles my dear little snails. And then the corona epidemic will fall to nothing.

Thank you, follow up the news and prepare the money!:D

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Experience of Visions

Not so long ago, I worked part time at a sawmill and a log fell on my head, after which I lost consciousness. Hawk One-Two, Dove One-Three, Roger. I spent six months in a hospital, in a ward with an old cartilage, who had Parkinson's syndrome. He constantly mumbled to himself and he stuffed used Kleenex up his sleeves, also, every night, this shell-shocked old pal muttered something in his beard.I could hear snatches of phrases from Tupac's Ghetto Gospel song. Medical personnel thought, that this old man was the Messiah and the papers were banging on the door, morning and night to interview him. All hospital staff were idolaters and had to be anathematized for trying to worship this old reptiloid. He draws his power from lightning, smelly old man. My ward buddy was still quite lively, that young go-getter. He was visited by mobsters from the Italian mafia and offered him to become a kidney donor in exchange for a small pikines dog. James was the name of this old junk. Roommate, who constantly stole my huge amounts of drugs and tangerines, which were brought to me by my grandmother always tried to make a sly grin - as if it wasn't him. Once, James ate my hospital breakfast - porridge with raisins, while I was sleeping. For a month, James stole my breakfast, lunch, and dinner while I slept. I got tired of it and I profusely shat under his pillow, after which lovely old man died in his sleep and my health began to improve. In the morning some two Arabs came to take his body for burial, but the dead old guy was too fat and they could not get him out throught the doorway, so they decided to get him out, throught the window without anybody noticing. The ward was on the eighth floor and these two strange Arabs threw the body out the window, then, they themselves went out the window and fell down like cucumbers. At that moment I sensed that something like the third eye revealed in me, I felt like I heard the crying voices of hungry African children, I felt like I heard the cries of George Bush from hell and I felt like I was sitting at the Last Supper with Jesus. Suddenly I heard the sound of ringing coins, as if I was standing at a slot machine in Las Vegas and then my whole body would start to shake, potato skins made my kind of gassy, but suddenly the insanity stopped when I realized that I can see through the wall. Behind the wall, a nurse sat on the toilet, reading x-Men comics. Two days later I was discharged from the hospital and with the gift of clairvoyance I went to the railway station to a bar to have a drink.

 I walked past the cemetery and slowly felt as if a swarm of flies flew into my anus, I heard an otherworldly voice calling to the cemetery. I went to the cemetery and saw a looted grave, next to which stood someone's spirit. The Ghost asked me to clean up the grave and said that Lara Croft came to see him. I began to dive into the spirit world and started a conversation with the ghost. It turned out that the ghost is a gay man killed by Mexican bikers. He was kidnapped, drugged with crack, and left to die in the desert. I asked the ghost for cheats for the World of Warcraft game, I was interested in the items dupe and the mode of walking through the walls. The gay spirit only told me that it was better to put Energizer batteries into an electronic strapon and suddenly disappeared. I cleaned up the grave and left. On the way to the bar, I met a man with a bucket on his head, I felt as if I could look inside him and saw that he had an ebola. He gave me a high five and got into a Jeep Wrangler. When I went into the bar, I smelled a pungent, sharp smell of shit and felt that it was peas mixed with beer. And so it turned out: a bald man with a long mustache came out of the toilet and was pale as death, he was not well. I went up to him and told him to take off his pants and get on his knees. He took off his pants and knelt. I put my hand on his forehead and said that I knighted him and that the attack of diarrhea would pass. It was visible, as my energy of thought force entered him and he felt better, he fell to the floor and froth flowed from his mouth. I heard that someone was calling the police, went to the bartender and asked for a soda. Five minutes later, a man in a straw hat with a fire extinguisher ran into the bar and he was very aggressive. I went up to him and told him to get on his knees and take off his hat. He took off his hat and sat on his knees. I put my hand on his forehead and said that from now on he is - sir. Suddenly I heard that the spirit of Abraham Lincoln was talking to me, I started to feel indecently puffy and I saw the bartender through a haze who said to pay five dollars for a soda. I wanted to order another glass of soda, but the bartender said, that the bar was being quarantined due to an outbreak of the Corona Virus.

Recently, different spirits haven’t been seen so often to me, since I went into religion and make myself an enema from Wiskas. Most of the time I hallucinated about ants and different guests. I call them uninvited guests, almost always these "guests" were very unpleasant, they caused me fear, rejection or hatred. And now, I sell the drugs that keep you people from seeing dragons at night. Most of all I hated the bald man who came to me several times. This man stood right in front of me. He was very short, too skinny for his suit, old trousers were high and tightly tightened with a belt. The man had a nose like a boiled potato, his bald head was shining, and only his temples were covered with ash-colored hair. It cast a shadow and looked as real as all the people around me. I thought that this guy would probably ask to share a cigarette, but he silently put his hands behind his back and, like a magician from a cheap circus, took out a dirty pair of underpants from somewhere and spread them out in front of my face, and then threw them at me. my right arm was covered in spots. Underpants smelled like rotten eggs, urine, shit, carrion. All the most disgusting odors that exist. When I got close to him, I almost throw up, barely restrained. I shouted that someone would take off these underpants from me, and at that moment I realized that there were no underpants and there was no bald man, and I was just fighting in a panic in the middle of the store in front of dozens of people. I grabbed strawberry condoms from the counter and ran away. When I got home I turned on cartoons about Mickey Mouse and fell asleep. The next day I went to church. When I walked into the church - I had this insight that the woman who sits next to me will be my wife. But it was not a woman but the figure of the virgin Mary. I drank consecrated church water and I felt better,I felt some warmth. In the evening I majestically took a big dump and the next day I got out of bed happy and found out that there’s a goose virus epidemic in the World. I haven't seen a visions in a long time because I wear a chemical protection suit. I will call you as soon as things settle, okay?

People! If you want, then lend me some money please, or give it free of charge. To build the ark and bait the Valkyries.

Thank you! Follow up the news and prepare the money!:D

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Cirque du Soleil

I believe in God and in steel Arnie, but Arnie tricked me and the machines did not come to power. Reptilians came to power, and pharmaceutical companies are creating bio-weapons. Yesterday I decided to add some MDMA tablets to my porridge, but I forgot the stash where I hide them. Suddenly I felt some moisture in my underpants and went to the toilet to see what it could be. It turns out, that I forgot to pull out Tampax tampons, I stuck them into my colon, so that colored pencils doesn't accidentally wont get in my back hole. Sometimes I wake up at night and walk around the house like a sleepwalker, take two colored pencils and eat jam with them like Chinese chopsticks. In the toilet I have a book “Anal drillers”, which was written by Einstein and I remembered, that I stick tea bags containing MDMA tablets to the sheets of this book with out no distractions. I still decided not to sponsor dirty Gypsy dealers and switch to natural substances. Yesterday I smoked dried manure, just made a joint out of it and smoked it. Imagine, that you are squat in the bushes to take a shit and germs are hanging around and voila - you have contracted gonorrhea. Me and I, in general, never and absolutely do not sit on the toilet in public toilets. I always carry my soft and leather toilet seat in an IKEA bag and if I need to poop in a public toilet I attach it to the toilet. And in stores? What, no germs? I was walking through the store and saw, that some old cunt was pawing with her dirty hands sweet cheeses. Take one, look and put it back on the shelf , take another, rub it with her dirty hands and put it in the basket. This is where the Corona Virus originated, not from a Chinese bazaar. Plus the fucking marketing worked too - If you take three, you get one for free. There are many theories about coronavirus and its creation, here are just a few of them: the United States Government, Bill Gates, 5G Internet, the Chinese Government, the Canadian Government, the October 2019 meteorite explosion, Chinese woman and bat soup, Corona Beer. Please don't touch old Bill. He suffered enough, when he accidentally left a flash drive with the Windows 95 source code on the table in McDonalds and some bum, who found this flash drive created Windows 10 on it's base. The virus mows down the health of people , today I was walking around the city and saw a victim of infection with the virus.

Have you noticed that in Europe, things are very fucked up with medicine and medicines? Italian pharmacy: "No. Must not. I understand that you have a toothache. But all only through the recipe. Yes, even dental drops. Go to your doctor and get a prescription." Creepy bureaucracy. The population is 60 million, sick - 17 thousand. Vietnamese pharmacy: "Does it hurt?" Take this. Good, Yes. And take this. An excellent analog. And take this. Better than the first two. Well, you never know, maybe the first ones won't help. Yes, do not worry - your entire package of medicines for 5 dollars just pulled." A population of 100 million . There are less than a hundred cases. Europeans are not trained bitches. All the values of Europe are in the behemoth's ass, in connection with the epidemic - all borders, airports are closed, and most importantly, no one inside the Union helps anyone. There, only Russia sent transport planes with medicines and equipment to help Italy. Meanwhile, some moron from a German newspaper wrote, that these are military aircraft and Italy, as a member of NATO, had no right to host them. Are you fucking serious? THESE ARE TRANSPORT PLANES. In general, the most vulnerable to the virus are the elderly, it is difficult to keep track of them: either they will slash someone, then, they will summon the devil, otherwise they will be abducted by aliens - you will not find them later in the day with fire. Of course, the best option is to completely isolate them from any contacts with the outside world in order to exclude the possibility of virus infection, close them in a wooden shed, give matches and a can of gasoline, and then go to play Skyrim on the PlayStation console with a clear conscience. This is what Prince Charles wanted to do with his mother, but she outplayed him and won a strip poker game with Angela Merkel. Did you see his fingernails? Did you see his hellish grin? Look at these claws (yes, yes, these are his claws) and at his sly grin!!! He's just waiting to usurp the throne and force people to buy air in IKEA bags. I have nothing against Prince Charles, bow to his feet, but fuck! Let him sit in the castle, play the Farmer Simulator on the Xbox and not spread parasites (if you didn't know, he has an itch in his anus and his heel has a temperature of 39 degrees Celsius).Of course, the Corona Virus is a new challenge for all of humanity, a test of endurance. As mentioned earlier, the virus did not originate from monkeys or fish, which are kickin by hucksters from the Shao Lin monastery. The virus has a synthetic origin, that is, it was created under artificial conditions by a humanoid or an vile midget, which was angry at the whole World, because Pamela Anderson did not give it to him. This version was told to me yesterday by my grandfather, who works as a cook on a atomic icebreaker.

In general, the situation is difficult, meanwhile, brokers masturbate on oil quotes at the Wall Street financial market. By the way, this does not have to be done in public, you can enter Pornhub at home in a quiet environment and do all the necessary things. By the way, Internet porn providers have opened a free view of premium content in connection with the Corona Virus, oh yes, I forgot to add - for all victims. Did you notice that when all the trouble with the virus started in China, everyone was laughing. And now, when the virus has declined in China - in Europe people from the virus fall like mowed logs, right on the street and it's not funny anymore. Look at the happy face of the lottery winner, arranged by a network of funeral homes in the state of Nevada. The tears in eyes are sincere, after all 1250 dollars in hands, that relatives would have to pay for the cremation of the body. And so, everything will be covered by the won certificate. Anyway, viruses are somehow not original. Could lubricate all the rubber dicks in sex shops with the urine of a rabid monkey and sell them to various bitches. The foregoing is one of the conspiracy theory, do not to take things personally. In these current difficult conditions, even those, who use drugs are suffer 2 - there are not enough syringes. In connection with the virus, syringes must be stocked in large quantities in the stash to make the best possible use of them when a heroin withdrawal dancing with the moon, probably soon there will be a shortage of these products. You can look at three things for a long time: how quarantine is transferred, how US foreign debt grows, and fresh Arab macabre. I advise you to get the drawings of the New Ark that your grandfathers designed and start building it. Save yourself in prayer, can a flying comet be a sign? Apply Kaizen, and walk in respirator. Write fresh comments about how you are going through the quarantine and don't get sick muthaphuckkas.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news!

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Old Memoriz

When I was 6 years old, in 1992 my grandmother fell ill with multiple sclerosis. That was the diagnosis, almost a year after the onset of the disease. At first, no one could understand, why this healthy, explosive as dynamite, full of life woman, 70 years old, fell ill (couldn’t walk, couldn’t turn over on her own) and lost weight up to 128 kg. The doctors questioned the following diseases: cardiac ischemia, migraine, stroke and a bunch of different afflictions, then she was sent to the regional center - Miami Beach. There she became worse and worse, fed through a tube, survived a clinical death.And at that moment, my cousins came to us with a gift - COFFIN. "Well, you'll need it soon", they said. Dad kicked them out with a pissed broom. Grandma barely made it out alive at that moment. On the airship, she was sent to Kingston, where she underwent marijuana therapy and was correctly diagnosed and prescribed a hormone drug - prednisone.She lived another 12 years ,not to say that a full- fledged, but quite normal life. Dad was always with her, all 12 years. When she couldn't walk, he turned her over so that there were no bedsores. Almost a year he spent with her in the hospital, fed, washed, dressed, sobbed as beluga in the corridors of the hospital, but so that she would not hear.

This is, in my opinion, true love and sacrifice in its purest form. I love and respect him very much.

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Guatemalan whorehouse

To survive the harsh European winter, I went to work in Guatemala, and to relax at the same time. I'm really tired of already walking in a fur coat and lying in the hospital with a concussion, due to the fact that the public utilities did not properly clean off the snow on the roof of houses and damned blocks of ice fall on people, drop out of the sky. Mr. Incredible and the bomb both fall onto a rooftop, where the bomb detonates harmlessly as Bomb Voyage appears in a helicopter, but thank God the yellow snow season is over. I know that your house has burned down and now you are sitting in a tank, hide from the Corona Virus and want to poop. Now you hide like a scared deer. Many people probably didn't understand me, what I meant by the word "yellow snow". This concept came from mother Russia, when drunken junkies piss on the snowdrift, then the snow becomes yellow, because the patient's urine is yellow. It's a well-known fact, urine stops a jellyfish sting hurting so much. That's why a lot of people call such a quirky things "yellow colored" snow. Okay, simpleton? A friend of mine, who likes to play golf and eliminate snails with a golf club offered me a job as a security guard in a Guatemalan brothel. Jayna and I will take the other half and get the golf clubs and violin. In order to earn power, money, and fame, I agreed. I arrived in Guatemala on a rubber boat as a refugee from Syria and immediately asked for political protection from the repression of Saddam Hussein and the minions of african Mormons. I was immediately thrown into jail like a potato, but two days later I was released, because my lawyer bailed me out after paying an amount of - two boxes of bananas. Well, I shared a cell with a very strange chinaman and two rabbis, who scammed chinaman for money, selling him a Torah wrapped in rags, but instead of the Torah there were Mickey Mouse comics. Chinaman, who earlier denied involvement, was pecking a calculator like a woodpecker to compute the amount of money they will charge on the cocoa to be smuggled. So he noticed tricks of gypsies, they were dressed as greedy rabbis and were obsessed by cheap, meaningless thrills, lechery, gluttony and up on cash. Chinaman took off the hat of the disgusting gypsy, dressed as a rabbi and pissed into it and they were all tied up by the police, because law enforcement officers thought, that these people were holding an uncontrollable rally in support of gays. God saved El Chapo, and God should be praised for that mercy. As soon as I reached the capital of Guatemala, I went to the house that my friend mentioned, he plays golf.

The brothel was a basement on the outskirts of the city. Three rooms in the basement were separated by curtains. Each had two or three seats. This can be opened if you have a small amount of money and familiar cops - you can open a brothel, quickly build up capital and go into another business. This brothel was promoted due to the fact, that an old students were advertising sheets around the district. The mistress of the brothel was an old womana, who used to work as a cook on an atomic icebreaker. She knew all cops in the district, so I think her past connections worked here very well. I knew the cop, who went for the dough. The entire police department, and even ordinary people in the district, knew that there was a brothel in this place. Sometimes cops themselves came as clients. They were served by girls free of charge. I heard that the cops were paid about $ 50,000 a month for patronage, but how true is this, I don't know. At work, I did absolutely nothing, only met and escorted guests. It was hard to read books there - screams, moans, loud music. The most ideal is to play Tetris and sit in social networks. In order not to be bored, my colleague and I brought gym equipment. We found a sports equipment store that was closing, and bought sports equipment there. We had a barbell, horizontal bar, bars, dumbbells, weights. I ate, slept, rocked, and hung out on my phone. Conflicts with clients were resolved in words or with the help of guns. You could get a gun and politely ask the person to leave. Sometimes there was enough to use a gas spray. The main clientele in the consolation house is - workers, sometimes different politicians came. Also niggaz, arabs, russians, chinese, and latinos came over here. After the client is admitted, they are placed on the church guest bench. Free girls come out - this is called a show. He chooses. He takes the girl he likes and takes her to the room. Starting price is 500 dollars. For this price, client receives a blowjob, two contacts and a relaxing massage. Anal sex is for an extra charge. Prostitutes are different - asian, black, russian. Also different configuration - fat and skinny. One employee of our institution did not have a left leg, but for some reason she was in great demand. She was a good swimmer in her young days. By the way, sex-employeers bought condoms at their own expense and generally banged only in them. This is a prerequisite. Clients sometimes tried to remove the elastic band, but then, I or an administrator interfered with the situation and scolded him, often I used force and threw the naked client out of the brothel. Interestingly, but arab women are not taken into this business. There are a lot of people among the arabs, who don't like the fact that arab women are engaged in prostitution. They can come to a brothel, cause a riot, cause physical harm to someone, take an arab woman to the forest and kill her there. All the girls go to the brothel voluntarily. Now it is not profitable to kidnap and force anyone. This is a particularly serious article, and why force someone if there are people willing to voluntarily engage in prostitution?

Once, in our comfort house of consolations was an armed assault by fucked-up thugs. Regular clients came. Two rang the bell, three hid around the corner. I wasn't there then, there was my colleague Hans. He saw familiar people through the peephole, thought that everything was normal and opened the door. He was immediately kicked off his feet and rolled down the stairs. Those who hid took off. They had baseball bats. One of them has a pneumatic gun. They beat the shift guy, dragged him into a brothel, and started beating everyone there. A tablet and money were taken from the shift. They robbed black women, turned over the entire brothel. They took the cash register. The administrator hid in the toilet, but the door was knocked out, she was pulled out of the toilet and raped in addition. Hans the guard was also wanted to be raped. After that, a policeman entered the brothel. He came not because of an armed assault, but for his dough share.They saw him, drove him away, and when they caught up with him, they beat him with bats and shot from the pneumatics. They took ipad and two iphones and a gold chain. The thug raiders promised to return. They wanted to work a protection racket on their behalf. After that, I and the other guards decided to punish them. I went to a brothel and took with me a traumatic gun, a hunting rifle, knives, tear gas canisters. We decided to wait for the raiders to return. Barack Obama chews a bunch of Clinton's trimmed nails, while he cunnilingus Monica. As a result, two raiders came, and we recognized one of them. He was dressed in a jacket and torn underpants and the other was in tattered leggings and he had the stinking fumes of ebola coming out of the back hole. No, no, sorry, I got it wrong. This was the local master of sports in karate, who shoved a live eel before the competitions into the depths of his anus, for good luck. Unfortunately, the competition did not take place then, as his rival - the champion of Botswana in tango dancing thundered into the jail, because he committed an armed robbery of a pet store. He took a pack of dog food and two cans of canned food for cats as hostages. His demands were - a bag of money, a helicopter and to release all prisoners in Guantanamo prison. As a result, I began to beat one raider with a metal stock, began a fuss, my partner shot the detainees in the legs. Oh, I forgot to say, that these raiders brought a sweet roll with them. We advised the second guy, who was in tattered leggings to wait for the night and let him go. The second stayed with us. We held him hostage while shifted guys were looking for other raiders. In total, we kept them for about 20 hours. During this time, we tried to pull bullets out of their legs, but we did not succeed. The whores called their friend's doctor. But he couldn't get the bullets out either. They urged them to go to a hospital on the other side of town. The next night, we were detained by police - the one, which we let go, came to the relatives of his friend. When they found out that we were keeping him in a brothel, they leaked us to the cops. I served two months. Those, who made the armed assault are still sitting. I didn’t really like whores in a brothel, I even disdained them, but once, I ate pistachios, which one whore shared with me. Those who engage in such activities as these - are gradually degraded. They drink, they use drugs. We found syringes in the brothel. I don't think it's normal to sell your body, but I believe, that everyone has the right to do so. I understand why this whole prostitution thing is happening. I don't blame the girls. This is the fault of the surrounding reality. After a short time I returned to Europe, I did not earn much. I only had enough money for a single room in a hotel of Buchenwald.

 Thank you my dear for listening, follow up the news.

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