Main Menu

Corona Olympics 2020

putnick

k

l

i

k

m

i

Essential reading and viewing : Breaking news from the battlefield.

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Rating 0.00 (0 Votes)

A bolt from the blue

I sold my car one year ago, after which I was under suspicion of DEA and spent two weeks in a holding cell with the gypsies. The fact is that - someone, at night, put a sack of flour and a rubber hand for scratching the back in the trunk of my car. The buyer was an elderly dude who walked with a crutch, he apparently got scared of the Mexican trail and ran to inform the police. Two days after the sale, someone knocked on my door, I looked through the peephole and saw people in masks. I thought some drunks were trying to trick me, well, I'm not scared of you, so fuck off. After my words, I was thrown back like a log along with the door and group of several drunks broke into my apartment, as I understood it was special forces. These layoffs blew up my door with a not very strong explosive charge. The day before, I was messing around and smashing empty beer bottles in a city park, and also I turned over a toilet booth where  there was a man who choked on feces and died without regaining consciousness. I thought that the special forces came to me because of this incident. I said that I was not guilty and presented my documents - a piece of a sheet from the tabloid press with a picture of a crossword puzzle. To tell the truth, when I'm not sure about something, I show this piece of paper. I'm just not sure, my name is Karl, right? I was named Karl after my father, whose name is Immanuel. I heard how one special forces soldier is calling for reinforcements on the radio, then they twist my arms, and put handcuffs on me, and made me stay face to the wall. I was taken to the police station and thrown into a holding cell. I spent two weeks in a cell with gypsies who were suspected of stealing horses. They read my palm, asked for money for fortune-telling and asked for money for marijuana. Two weeks later I was released and the investigator said that there was some mistake and I was tied up by accident. The revelation was like a brick from the sky falling on my head. Jesus was a suspect but was released. Sorry for interrupting your date last night with all those texts. Some fagots want to constantly set me up and demonize my reputation and honest name. Five years ago I was on vacation in Sudan and there I sold black slaves to terrorists from the radical Islamic movement in Sudan. When I smelled something fishy, I put the money in my straw hat and flew to Europe on a Red Cross plane. Sorry to drag you into it... It's okay. Well, there was a slightly different story. I was vacationing in the capital of Tanzania and I had condoms stretched on my fingers so that God forbid I wouldn't get sexually transmitted diseases. I went to eat at a local branch of McDonald's, which was called Blockburger and at the same time decided to sell visitors a little bit of ecstasy pills. Inside, I saw a black man with a Mohawk on his head, he really looked like a punk, he looked like he hadn't been off the needle for the last ten years. When I approached him, he noticed me, he took the Bible out from under his t-shirt and said the following: So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. I thought he was gay and decided to leave the place. When I got out of Blackburger, a little boy ran up to me and asked for an autograph. I could not refuse and signed on his forehead with a blue felt-tip pen to make it easier to see. Excuse me if I have been a bit crass. As I told you earlier, I have my own list of motherfuckers who piss me off. I am very pissed off by green men, they chase me everywhere, they knock with pans on the roof of my house, knock on the window, on the wall and at night they eat all my food from the refrigerator. These little men sit at the ATM and constantly cheat me for money, yesterday I wrote an application for them to the Hague Tribunal, I hope Nelson Mandella will consider my application as soon as possible.

 

Fuck's sake, today is the election in America. There are two candidates - Trump and Biden and some unknown assholes. Shit! If you want to bury a stupid asshole, then vote for Biden, an old man in his 80s, where the fuck is he going? He needs to knit with a cross at home by the fireplace and not run for president. Fuck, he has a vibrator stuck in his anus soaked in monkey urine , and by the way, 5 people have already voted for him! These are people from the cemetery, well, you understand in short. I’m sorry to be so rude, but fishermen have a grosser name for him. I was just paid money and told to denigrate Biden's name, please excuse me if your children read my rudeness. In General, I don't really care about the election against the background of the coronovirus, which is spreading like shit in the toilet of Barack Obama. In Europe, everyone is forced to wear protective masks, as the authorities do not understand that the mask does not protect. Try to put your whole head in the bag from the IKEA store and shove it up the ass of a dead bum who died from Ebola, I wonder how long you will live after that, just like with a mask. Have you noticed the smell of conspiracy? Yes, that's right, the world elite planned all these events many, many years ago, everything is going according to their scenario. The death of Michael Jackson was also planned, Kurt Cobain was killed by an Italian hitman, the loss of Mike Tyson was also planned. Before the fight he was kidnapped and pumped up with laxatives and contraceptives, and he fell face forward like a rag on the floor of the ring. Do you think we live according to the Mayan calendar? They predicted the apocalypse in December 2012, so what? On the day of the apocalypse, I went to the synagogue for an excursion, being under a hard smoke in a state of passion, after which I was taken to a police station for beating two rabbis. Look, I want to apologize for what happened. I just got the wrong door, I wanted to go to the Museum of Nature and Geography, George W. Bush also made a mistake once with the door, but he was not tried for it. I like George W. Bush, he is a cowboy, loves Islamists and grows cucumbers on his ranch. He does not have a fence on the ranch, so please come and hang him up. I apologize for my frankness, but I was brought up to speak the truth. By the way, how is Mikhail Gorbachev doing? This vile old man drank up the entire Soviet Union, I hope, that in the near future Vagos moto club members will play bowling with his head. Halloween went down the drain, again there was little violence, murders and fires, carjackings and stabbings. I do not celebrate Halloween as I am a follower of the Living God Jesus Christ and company. My faith is as strong as Chuck Norris's belt, and my actions are clear and uncompromising. What is worse than coronavirus or fires? I think that if the whole of Europe burns down, the Chinese air force will drop a bacteriological weapon on Bill Gates house, or rather the dried shit of Ho Chi Minh, and Bill will pay in full for all his actions. Windows XP is no longer supported, what the fuck yo? You are great fellows, my dear readers. You realized that the Chinese air force in the form of an old Boeing will not reach the United States? For Russian submarines protect almost the entire globe from ballistic missiles and foreign threats! Hello to Elon Musk. As a child, I was fond of egg juggling and the theme of space, and also read the instructions - how to make a cluster bomb at home. Freedom for El Chapo, the Mexican dealers, and the Colombian rebels! You are very clever my dear readers, you probably noticed that I'm not telling you something? Yes, there is something I'm not telling you. I told you very little about Mongolia, yes, I rented whores in my yurt there. That's actually all I can say, about what I didn't tell you. Enlightened and cultural, pardon the language.

 

Not so long ago, my neighbor came to me to show me his dick. I do not know why he came to me, if something I am not gay. Maybe it's good that he came, I will always help those in need and help as much as I can. My neighbor came to my apartment, completely undressed and at the sight of him boiled cabbage almost crawled out of my ears - he was completely bald in all parts of his body and was smeared with oil like a bodybuilder. Will you come in for a nightcap? Josef - that is the name of my neighbor, told me that when he went to the forest to rest and eat boiled cabbage, he saw a rabbit playing the violin and disturbing his peace. "What the hell did you just say?" - I asked my neighbor. But he replied, that his delirium is the result of the harmful effects of radiation on him. It turns out that neighbor Josef found a toy rabbit in the forest and raped it. This revelation destroyed investor confidence in the Soros Foundation. I told my neighbor that these are the laws of karma and kicked him out of my apartment with a dirty broom. Bangladeshi man slapped a sheriff's deputy with a Bible and defecated on a neighbor's floor! Oh sorry, the robotic translator did not translate the sentence correctly, I meant that at the moment russian hackers are rigging the results of the US elections. Now I'm listenin to a famous astrologer on the radio and he says that in 2021 the coronavirus epidemic will continue and frogs will fall from the sky (because God told him so). I do not know who to trust more: astrologer, dirty gypsy or God? My faith is strong like the balls of Hercules. Try to do what's right and have faith in God. What happened yesterday - only strengthened my faith. Yesterday in my apartment strange people were falling from above, call it hail from painters. By the way, did you know that Obama is not a bit of a nigga? He is some kind of half-arab, he does not smoke crack, but smoking cigarette butts that Hillary throws him on the floor. Damn it, I know that you knew that, thank you, I am once again convinced that my readers are educated and well-read people.
So what I was talking about there, ah yes, about the painters falling from above. On Wednesday night, a house painter fell through the floor and fell on me while I was sleeping. Who knows, maybe this it's fate? In fact, someone was renovating an apartment on the floor above and some gay fell right on my bed, as if I slept with him all night, but I have other things on my mind. At that second it struck me like a flash of lightning. There was a hole in the ceiling as if king Kong had crawled out of it and my whole room was covered in plaster and construction shit. The house painter was lying unconscious on my bed, so I took off his pants and went to pee in the toilet. At night as luck would have it the electricity was turned off in all house and when I entered the toilet I went down the rabbit hole into the darkness. Apparently, the old dwellings of the house built in 1901 did not withstand too intensive repairs and the tenants began to fall through the floor. When the rescue squad arrived, I was rescued from the hole and the house painter was resuscitated. Also, the police arrived and wanted to prosecute me for possession of marijuana, but I said that I would smoke it until the weekend, the police agreed and left. I don't live in that house anymore, but I live in a motel and my money is already running out. While I am writing all this, it is still unclear who won the presidential elections in America - Guk or Chek?

 

Have you already played the game I installed for you on this site? Play to your health, my dear readers and do not forget to follow the rules. A grandiose and unprecedented video is under development, as the Motel is very noisy, freaking guest workers from Syria are brawling and interfere with concentration. I apologize for my rudeness my dear readers. It's just that the situation is tense now, Boris Johnson did not die of coronavirus and this news spoiled the mood of many. Well, these were the next Chronicles of Robinson, to be continued. It was another warning to the opposition and entrepreneurs. Whatever it is, I will not let you down my dear readers. Believe, wait and be healthy.

Thank you for attention! Follow up the news!

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Rating 0.00 (0 Votes)

Nuclear rabbit

I started to plump at the age of 12 with my neighbor Gregory, who served three years in prison for robbery and was released from prison without a wisdom tooth, but in general he looked like a chewed tomato. And when I was 9 years old I tried alcohol for the first time. I always watched my dad eat dried roach with a cool frothy drink and I really wanted to try it too. I was from a poor family and to buy myself a beer I had to steal money from the pockets of jackets in the school wardrobe. My dad also stole - parts from cars on an industrial scale at the General motors factory. He didn't work there, got into the factory through the sewers and once caught halera because he stepped on a rat. On TV, and we didn't have a TV at home, I went to watch TV with a woman next door who used to work in a sex brothel and who had buttock paralysis and during the advertising of Holsten beer, a friendly atmosphere of alcohol consumption was created. While my mom went out to look for mushrooms and dad went to the factory because he was short of money, so I snooped a bottle of beer from the refrigerator and opened it. I sipped a little beer from the bottle and it seemed to me bitter and tasteless. Nevertheless, I drank a whole bottle and I should admit that I started to feel sick and wanted to pee. I guess I could pee on someone if they really wanted me to. I pissed into a bucket that was in the room by the closet, but I forgot that we had a hamster in the bucket, which choked in urine and drowned. It... I'm sorry, it hurts me. Repeat after me, but only if you truly believe in your hearts the words that I speak. I started out working at a butcher shop when I was 13 years old. So I am 13 years old, in my group of friends no one goes in for sports and does not go to сontracts management sections. One boy, my friend Jacob went to boxing, but then he was imprisoned for robbery. I was made to carry out my first kill at 13. I worked in a butcher shop and the farmers brought a live goat to slaughter, but I didn’t want to stab it and in general I didn’t really understand what I was doing in the butcher’s shop. I just had to work in order to buy cold beer for myself and my dad. In short, local farmers brought a goat and my boss, the butcher John Ivanov, gave me an assignment to stab this goat. I didn't know what to do, I only used a knife once in my life when I played Counter Strike on the de_dust map. I called a taxi and stuffed this goat into the trunk and told the taxi driver to take him further to Skyrim to the Nords. I had no money to pay for a taxi and I stabbed the taxi driver with a knife and ran away. I swear I didn't mean to kill him. I just felt sorry for the goat. The taxi driver didn't die because I stabbed him with a wooden knife from a joke store, and yes, I wasn't caught, because I was wearing dark glasses like Neo and a beard like Bin Laden, also bought at a joke store. Sorry for being cryptic at the work. I've been afraid for months I'd be the one to blow the secret. I was dressing so, that I would not be caught by the police, because I did a lot of illegal acts but I had no juvenile record whatsoever, certainly no criminal record. Today in Belarus is restless, by the way, where is it located? The geography textbook says - between the toilet bowl and the drain. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. According to the latest information - some kind of stupid cunt from the opposition declared herself as a president, although there were presidential elections and Alexander Lukashenko was legally elected. He made good roads and increased the potato crop - our man.

 

I didn’t have a computer in my childhood, I went online through an empty bottle of beer and pinged, tried to deface the Microsoft website. At that time, almost no one had computers, and it was boring at home, so teenagers got together, and the only leisure was alcohol. We began to gather in groups, in yards and entrances. We started with beer, one bottle was enough to get really drunk, and if we drank strong, we didn't bast at all. In my house, an enterprising old bone womana started selling vodka at 10 euros per bottle, for 5 euros you could buy a beer with a bubble flavour. I loved to drink this kind of beer and break empty bottles on the radiator in the entrance, and then go up to the top floor and ring everyone on the doorbell quickly going downstairs. All illegal occupants opened the door and thought that a fire had started and in a panic ran out into the street being naked. Vodka for me was disgusting, warm, with diphenhydramine or some other nasty thing, it completely blew the roof off. One guy smashed a bottle over the head of another, at the emergency room the poor fellow was stitched and bandaged. The next morning, none of the two could remember what was the cause of the conflict. We gathered for 8-10 people and drank in front of school, at a classmate's house, at some Mexicans in an apartment and then went to lessons and even physical education. I felt the state of a winner, once in a physical education lesson before which we got drunk on beer, I did exercises with dumbbells and accidentally hit the physical education instructor on the head, who started shouting, calling for help, shouting that he was being killed. After physical education class, he was taken to a psychiatric hospital. Once my buddies and I got so drunk, that one eccentric dude caught a stray cat and raped him in front of the whole company, and that's when I decided not to drink anymore. By the age of 18, I almost did not drink, not a drop of alcohol, even if there was some kind of holiday or someone had a birthday. I found myself a hobby - darts. I pasted a poster of Margaret Thatcher to the door and threw darts at it. Once I threw darts and suddenly the door was opened and my friend entered the apartment and I did not have time to stop my hand and threw  a dart that hit his forehead. A friend fell to the floor, I dragged him into the bathroom and covered him with a towel and went to play PlayStation. An hour later, he came out and said that I saved his life, we ordered pizza and then for a long time the two of us played PlayStation. When I used to drink hard in past, I drank for a reason, I drank out of grief. Even then, I predicted an epidemic of the corona virus and I was  offended for people. It's good that I stopped drinking, geopolitics helped me. Back in those distant years, I was a fan of Yasser Arafat. He looked like Santa Claus with a rag on his head, but then he died, I became an atheist and I started watching a reality show with Trump. There in the show, he gave advice to young businessmen on how to become successful. I don't know where they recruited such loser (wimp) actors, probably from the rural drama theater. I will give advice to all novice businessmen - do not throw away holey socks, it is better to sew up the hole and pull the sock over the dick. By the way, Trump and his wife got sick with the corona virus. It was Putin who infected them, Putin personally. He came to the White House, coughs into Trump's soup, which the cook prepared for him, and then flew on a broomstick to the Kremlin. Do you believe in little (tiny) green men? I myself know all about it and yes. There are a lot of these green men in the city pool, well, there are strange people in green rubber caps and they juggle votes before the elections in America.

 

It's good that I don't drink anymore, I don't have to draw a plan of the New York subway scheme on the asphalt with condensed milk. I like to fall asleep in a bra and wake up without pants, but it wasn't always like this. I recently learned that Barack Obama had an affair with a gorilla, from which he contracted ganacoc and Ebola, which later spread to the whole World. The White House knew this, but hid this fact, as they were afraid that the NASDAQ indexes would fall. Later, Russian hackers influenced the presidential elections in America. My dear readers! As I promised last time, the game has been updated on this site. If you read the site carefully, then you understand what I'm talking about, and if not - then you are a democrat. This game was found on a dead pirate's flash drive off the coast of Somalia, I don't know if Oracle Corporation or the World Health Organization is somehow connected with this, but now the game is here and I don't care. The essence of the game is to collect food for the little man and eat other little men, this is fucking good old Pacman. While playing this game, you must follow strict rules. For every eaten dot, please pay 1 cent to my organization. And please do not engage in fraudulent activities, do not use cheat codes and do not fool me. Want to start playing? Click to Play. Recently, I decided to make a list of the motherfuckers I've ever been annoyed with. I'll tell you this another time, as well as about the radioactive rabbit, which my neighbor found in the bag in the forest and almost went bald. I am in Syria right now, sitting in an air defense installation and shooting down flying saucers controlled by Shaolin monks, sitting in a mask, because the terrorists from ISIL have weak immunity and they all suffer from the coronavirus. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. I know, but, let's just hold off until we know something more. There's too many saucers and interference in here.

Thank you for attention! Follow up the news!

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Rating 0.00 (0 Votes)

Great Depression (fck summertime sadness)

It's been a long time since I've breathed fresh air and pooped like a king. Due to the Corona Virus epidemic, I was sitting in a hollow tree with woodpeckers with a cork from shitty Georgian wine, which I stuffed into my anus according to Copperfield's instructions, so as not to get infected with the virus. Just yesterday, I got out of the hollow covered in bird shit, feathers, in wet pants and asked myself - where am I? Thank God that a tree stood at the entrance to my house, I found the way to the entrance and went through the door. A moment later, I felt an itch in my anus and remembered that there was a wine cork. I wanted to pull it out, but I didn't know how. Calling the emergency service was not an option, because the fire brigade would have arrived to my house and rip my ass off with pneumatic forceps. I decided to go to the pharmacy and buy a laxative, while I was going to the pharmacy - stuck cork restricted my movements and I looked like an Isuzu SUV that hit a mine. I had a sudden urge to relax and smoke opium to relieve my burden as a cork keeper. When I got to the pharmacy, I saw that a strange man was lying at the entrance, completely passed out, he had feathers on his head and urine was flowing out of his pants, which created a puddle and flowed down the street. When I went to the pharmacy, I saw a bald bumpkin running out of it with a Tampax package in his hand.This dude jumped up the road and did not notice the open hatch and fell into it. I immediately remembered that long time ago I finished reading a book about speleologists and also decided to go down into this hatch in order to conduct research on the topic "Is it possible to hold out underground with a tampax package for one month'". While I was preparing to descend, some rabbi passed by, and I asked him to take off his underpants and stand as a traffic controller, so that cars would go around the hatch.It was a manhole and I saw a ladder that could be used to get down and I carefully went down. I didn't find this bumpkin, apparently he was floated away with shit downstream trough the sewers into collector, but I found a package of Tampax, I took it and went up. Poor but brave rabbi was still standing without underpants in the middle of the road, I called the police and said that a pervert walks around the city and scares people, that's clear, right? After which I went back to the pharmacy. So I entered the pharmacy, I went over to the counter and asked the woman pharmacist for a kilogram of nails and some screws, but all off a sudden the Varta battery fell out from her mouth and hit the floor. I picked up the battery and put it in my pocket, realizing that they won't help me here - I went to a liquor store to buy a corkscrew to use a life hack to pull cork out of the depths of my cave, which has not yet been explored by spelelologisst. I like to feed petit chickens and to delight myself. When I entered the liquor store, I saw a billiard table on which two asians in cowboy hats were banging each other in the ass with a harpoon right on the table. In case you haven't noticed, I've had a lot on my mind and I got up to the counter and panicked. At the counter stood some weird asshole in a closed-glass motorcycle helmet with dumbbells in his hands and no pants. I picked his pants up off of the floor, put it in my bag to plant them at home in the plant pot in the corner. I used to grow beans in pots, but now I grow random pants. I knocked the cyborg on the helmet with a hammer, since I carry it in my pocket for self-defense, but there was no reaction, I realized that he died of stress looking at the Asians, he stands straight like the Colossus of Rhodes, as if he stuck to the shit of a mammoth and cannot fall down the floor, A little more and he will fall and roll like a bowling ball into the hole for slops. I haven't had time to think about it And then all of the sudden I remembered that I have a cork in the inner pocket of my jacket,  I carry it with me for self-defense. I remembered it so abruptly,so abruptly, like a cop with diarrhea who's being threatened with death by two niggers and he's got a donuts in his holster instead of a gun. I ran to the toilet and when I ran up, I found that there was no door in the toilet. I turned my phone back on and opened up the Aliexpress website and got acquainted with the prices on the doors, but I wasn't doing very well. There was neon lighting in the toilet and some weird man was kneeling with his head stuck in the urinal, a damn drug addict, but I had no time for him. I ran into the toilet stall, undressed, took out a corkscrew and tucked it neatly into something. I didn't think that that fucked up idea was a good for me and then I suddenly heard that someone from the next toilet stall was asking me for a dose of heroin. I hated it when people only hit me up when they needed drugs. I got out of my stalland broke into the booth from where there was a voice for help. There was a bald guy sitting on a toilet bawl, and I took off his pants and went back to my stall. In the pockets of his pants, I found vaseline, which I used, the cork came out like a little train. Scary thing ,is that I felt relieved and I was able to fly through the air ,but fell on the floor like a bag with potato. When I was about to leave the toilet, I discovered that there was a video surveillance camera mounted on the ceiling. I got scared that all my actions were recorded and I'm busted. I came out of the toilet, I came out of this sadomized place and saw some strange man in a cowboy hat, lying upside down in a puddle of urine. Then I remembered another man lying on the ground near by the pharmacy and realized that these two torn condoms are somehow connected. A week later, I found out that in the toilet where I've used vaseline - there was not a surveillance camera but a smoke detector, I smoked Don Jose's cigar there with the Asians. I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhea. It's my lucky day.

 

Over the decades of this site's existence, it has firmly established itself in the niche of thrash, drunken romp, sodomy, frenzy and similar portals. For me - this is an invaluable experience, I learned a little English and began to write the word "penis" not with the letter A but with the letter e. Yes, I will not hide the fact that I masturbated a little, when I was looking at random photos of the fans that they sent me. When I first got a photo of an old mexican dude, I used to look at a photo from my past, compared both photos, and I realized that I would rather masurbate on myself. And as I looked at the photo of my fans, I noticed a lot of strange things and realized that most of my fans are wheelchair users and old people from retirement homes. Thank you so much for coming, your support, everyone, and thank you for always cheering me on at all my fights. If you read the site carefully, you might have noticed that I was dealing potatoes in all its forms: naked, dressed, blue and pink, and because of the influence of capitalism on bill Clinton's ass, a rubber dummy of which is produced at factories in Taiwan - I sold it for money. Well, if you're such a pizza connoisseur, there's a really great place in Italian Harlem. Oh I'm so sorry, I mean, if you are an expert and like to thoroughly study the collection of aphorisms from Moses, which this site is -  you might have noticed that I was dealin various strange tings: camel raisins, boxes of matches, stockings, pictures of electric scooters and others. If you need some,just let me know I can push you a product of the highest quality. Age of eight I was selling scrap from a barrow. A few years ago, actually, I was doing a drop in Boston. In all my time dealing, I never got shot. I traded with the Chinese three years ago, I sold them camel raisins. To raise my income I worked as a gigolo in a disco club for those over 60, I never thought I'd sleep with anyone over 40. I was selling my body just to survive. My dear snails, didn't your parents teach you not to believe different strangers? Don't trust the men with black mustaches who ask you to get into their Chevrolet pickup truck for candy, but you can trust me. Obviously, isn't it? Yes, I was engaged in different business, a couple of years ago I opened a joke store, but a week later I went bankrupt. The fact is that I had a defective product, but I did not know about it. I bought a container of gag toys from Taiwan and opened a shop. Snails, you know what a joke shop is, right? For example, there is a glass and there is vodka in it, but there is no way to pour out vodka, since there is an invisible gasket in the glass, which does not allow liquid to pour out of the glass. You take this glass and approach a passerby and shake the glass in his face. The passer-by does not know that there is an invisible gasket and vodka will not pour out on him. A passer-by thinks that vodka will splash out of a glass on him and gets hung up from fear like a worm on a frying pan. Or there is another gag toy - fake rubber tits. Just put them on yourself, you can wear them over your clothes and go up to the bouncer at the strip club and ask him to run his tongue over your Tits. I did this once, went up to the big guy and said - I don't want to get sideways with you you're as big as a barn! Lick my boobs stupid bag of shit! This dumbass ripped off my fake boobs and forced me dance for cowboys at the pole all night. After that stormy night, I went back to my store and saw only ashes instead of the store. It turns out that some robbers illegally entered the store at night and started joking. They put fake rubber boobs on each other, started making jokes and started setting off firecrackers, the rubber boobs ignited and they burned up along with all my stuff. I was glad that there was no need to pay taxes anymore and went to ride the carousel. After I went for a ride on the carousels I went for a pony ride because the carousels didn't work. During my pony ride, some pale dude ran up to me, introduced himself as a postman and handed me an envelope. I was so happy that inside there would be raspberry-flavored condoms and weed, but there was a letter from a collection agency. That's where I became intrigued. I decided not to open the envelope since there could be a biological weapon in the form of powder inside and I decided that someone else would open the envelope. I looked back and saw a street musician singing an opera to the beat of The Notorious B.I.G. So I walk up to him and put my envelope in the donation hat and walked aside. The hat was empty, there was not even a coin in it, street singer must've stashed his money in Choko Beaver's biscuit tin. Our singer saw that I put the envelope in the donation hat, he stopped singing like Eros Ramazzotti, went to the hat and took the envelope. The greedy fag must have thought there was money in the envelope. Lucky singer took the envelope, opened it and fell like a potato, as if from a fever to the ground. I took off his pants, took an envelope, grabbed his hat and ran away. On the way home, I stopped by a spruce tree to pick up some cones I stuffed a whole pocket of cones and ran on. To tell the truth, I put cones into exhaust pipes of random cars, so that the exhaust would not pollute air and because of that to prevent glaciers melting. Last time I came across a wonderful car - Porsche Spider, I put cones into the exhaust pipe according to the scheme and left a note with the address of Santa Claus in Lapland.  Let all claims be presented to him. So, I had an envelope with a letter addressed to me personally, I was so intrigued that I really wanted to poop, but decided to endure the storm as a knight of Queen Elizabeth, sat down under a spruce tree and opened it. The letter was from a collection agency and for a second, I was so confused with the content and subject of the letter. From the envelope came heavy, burning smell of an old cunt and reeked of George W. Bush's ashes. The letter contained a claim from the collection agency to me that I should pay the penalties that had accumulated over many years. The plaintiff was an office that provides phone sex services, and I remembered something. The fact is that in 1999, as a teenager, I dialed a number that provides sex services over the phone and talked with the phone whore for two hours about passing the Diablo 1 pc game, but suddenly my grandmother came into the room and the connection was interrupted My granny sat down at the computer and went through Diablo in two hours and then told me not to call her again. The letter indicated the amount that I must pay for telephone services, there is about 90 thousand dollars. How did I know that dad would not pay for that call. While I am writing this article, I have already received two calls from the collection agency and in the voice of Freddy Krueger they told me to better pay the entire debt, otherwise they will rape the satellite dish on the roof of my house. Let me turn to you, dear readers! I want to raise $ 30,000 to hire a gang of monkeys, that will destroy the collection Agency and put a grenade into the pants of their boss. This is an unprecedented campaign, I hope you will understand me and help dear snails
You can donate money to the campaign in the left column of this site, there is also information at the top of the page, please read it. These are not the bank accounts of corrupt janitors, but the accounts of the Saint Potato Foundation. Thank you in advance. Yes, I almost forgot - you can buy something from me and it will help too.

 

Not so long ago, I discovered a great hobby for myself - smearing lips with strawberry jam and going shopping in search of slippers. I need slippers to snuck them into the exhaust pipes of cars. This is a protest action against poachers, who kill pandas and sell their fur to Bill Gates. Once I smeared my lips with strawberry jam and broke in to a bar where members of the Hell's Angels motorcycle club always hang out. We all together smeared our lips with strawberry jam and then rode motorcycles, I crashed into the lamp post and almost died. Did I ever tell you that I really love going to the circus? My favorite circus is the one from Harlem. There are black clowns, but their nose is red according to all the canons of circus art. My favorite clown is the McDonald's clown. I hope that his head will be bashed in one of these days and take away his clothes, because he is not very funny. The clown should be funny, at the performance he should show everyone his genitals to make everyone happy. He should sit on a broom in the literal sense, stink of shit, walk around in piss-soaked pants, juggle dried pieces of shit and make the audience laugh in every possible way. Once a wandering circus came to our city. I smeared my lips with strawberry jam and went to the show. I just felt bad to pay 10 euros for the entrance and I climbed over the fence. I was not interested in any attractions, the only thing I visited - was the fear room. As soon as I entered it, the siren began to rustle and I ran back out into the street with wet pants to wave down to help with out looking back, it's so good that I didn't pay 10 euros for the entrance. I came to my senses and went to a huge tent - there was a performance of clowns in the arena and I hurried there. I went inside and took a seat closer to the arena. I got popped with six extasy pills to make it more comfortable to watch the clowns. Suddenly the crowd was subdued and the lights went out in the arena, it was completely dark and out of the blue, I heard a sound of brutal farting. None of the audience understood nothing but they all laughed. A second later someone shouted Allahu Akbar, the audience did not understand anything but everyone was laughing. Five seconds later, the entire arena heard the sound of the toilet flushing, the audience did not understand what was happening, but everyone laughed. Suddenly the light turned on and I saw a naked stranger in the arena, who was reading a newspaper on a stool. A moment later two people in hot dog suits ran out, twisted him and led him out of the arena. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. After that, the music started playing and the next artist - the magician - entered the arena. He took with him a long box on wheels and began to look for a volunteer from the audience to show the whole public the trick. An elderly Asian woman appeared in the role of a volunteer. The trick was as follows: someone climbs into a long box and lies down in it, after which the magician takes a saw and saws the box into three parts. You probably know this trick!  After sawing the box, the illusion appears that the person was cut into three parts, since the box is divided into three parts, everything is fine, after which the box is reconnected and the person climbs out of it and James Cameron is amazed that he did not use such special effects in his films. In general, an elderly Asian woman climbed into the long box of the magician and lay down there, after which the magician closed the box and took his chainsaw in his hands. The dude started the chainsaw and began to saw the box, but not into three parts, but like a long sausage into ten parts. When the distribution of wood and wood products wasfinished, two people in hot dog suits came out, twisted the magician, and hauled the box backstage. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. Suddenly, under the dome of the circus, the light went out and someone shouted out of the darkness - "help, they try to rape me." The audience didn't understand anything and everyone laughed. A moment later, the light turned on and I saw a cage in the arena, in which a tiger was sitting, and two clowns and a man with a whip, apparently an animal trainer, were coming out of the backstage.One of the clowns went up the cage and started teasing the tiger, and the second clown went to the first clown and started pissing on him.The clown who was teasing the tiger took out a piece of chicken leg from his pocket and held out his hand with the chicken in the cage to the tiger. The second clown walked up to the cage and stuck his penis through the cage and started humming loudly a tune from the Matrix movie. Suddenly, the lights went out in the arena and someone's screams were heard, the light turned on and I saw that the tiger had bitten off the hand of the clown, which was trying to feed him like a local benefactor. The animal trainer ran into the cage to calm the angry tiger, took part of the clown's hand and threw it to the audience. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. The animal trainer failed to subdue the tiger and the ferocious creature bit him on the knee and ran out through the open cage doors. Meanwhile, the second clown, as if nothing had happened, stood by the cage with his pants down and hummed a melody from The Matrix movie. An enraged tiger started running around the arena and the circus started panicking and suddenly I saw the tiger pounce on the nigger who was sitting closer to the arena, the nigger pretended to be dead and the tiger ran on. The aggressive creature then attacked the woman in the burqa and ate her completely. Suddenly, under the dome of the circus, music began to play and the announcer made an announcement - this is a drill, everyone stay in their seats. I went down through the crowd of spectators closer to the arena and saw that the clown throws a grenade into the crowd of people. everyone sat down in their places. The audience did not understand anything, but everyone laughed. Since then I don't go to the circus,I go to the puppet theater and sit in the last row next to the exit. And as for the circus, everything was roughly the same, but instead of a tiger, a beaver ran out of the cage with a Shaheed belt. You know, my dear snails, you help me a lot, it's obvious. You come here to me and help me, I can't explain it, it's obvious. I bring good to people, I bring ololo to people. Sorry if i hurt someone, sory for being rude and for the rudeness that can often be found in my text.

 

Times change, but not Bill Clinton's ripped pants which Boris Yeltsin wears as a talisman in hell. I still advise you to try smearing your lips with strawberry jam and go to a club where neo-Nazis hang out and introduce yourself as king David. Once I smeared my lips with sea buckthorn jam and went to the synagogue, and then went out and got on the tram. I was late for a concert of the Ramstein band and the tram driver was driving slowly, it felt like he was pissing under himself, felt the joy and was in no hurry. I politely knocked on the cab door and said I would pour a pot of boiling water over his head if he didn't go faster, he was seriously scared, ran out of the cab and jumped out of the tram. I sat down at the tram control panel and at that moment I really wanted to smear raspberry jam on my lips, which I did. A moment later, I was stopped by border control as I tried to cross the Mexican border. I didn't have any identification with me, and I only had a picture of Mother Teresa in my jacket pocket, just in case, if I want to jerk off. I explained to the border guards that I was taking Jews from the brutal captivity of the Egyptian Pharaoh to Afghanistan to help me grow red poppies. I was detained and released on bail and only yesterday I returned home, thank God I didn't catch coronavirus in a boat with illegal immigrants that crossed the Atlantic ocean. I can’t talk for a long time, as I have an electronic bracelet on my leg and I’m being monitored around the clock. Now I am looking for a welding machine in my barn to remove the bracelet from my leg. I'm thinking of throwing the bracelet in McDonald's trash bin, let the punishment services think that I'm in the trash bin. My dear people, please do not forget about the donation campaign that I mentioned in this article (Sex on the phone, 1999). I still want to release an unprecedented video, never seen before, but I can’t record it yet, because my grandmother sleeps in my room and snores terribly. I need your help. Do good, it will not be forgotten.

P.S. In the near future I will update the game on the site (if you read it carefully and you are a loyal fan, then you know what I'm talking about hehe).
Technology is moving forward and people need spectacle and entertainment.

Thank you! Follow up the news!

 
 
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Rating 0.00 (0 Votes)